Jim takes my hand in hers. “Oh George, I am sorry, all this time. I really wish you’d talk to him George, you’re both so unhappy, if you’d just talk, even if you don’t get back together, you might at least sort out some of your issues so you can both move on.”
I look down at where our fingers are laced together; my other hand is at my necklace. “How is he Jim?” I’d never, not in almost four years, no matter how desperately I wanted to know, asked her this.
“He’s sad George, he gets on with his days, he writes songs that are so obviously about you, he drinks too much, he snorts too much Charlie, he smokes too much weed, he fucks too many women but all just to try and forget you.”
Lennon is listening to what we are saying, he passes the joint to me that he’s just fired up. “I really wish you two would talk before the wedding Porge, I don’t want the pair of you not enjoying the day because you’re worrying about the other one being there.”
“I’ll be fine.” I shrug. I won’t, I’ll be far from fine but I didn’t want Jim and Lennon worrying about how I’d be handling their big day.
“You’ve been sayin’ that for nearly four years G and look at ya, you’re skinny as fuck and still can’t bear to hear his name mentioned, this whole thing between the two of you is seriously fucked.”
Bailey is lying on the floor with his long legs stretched out in front of him and his head resting on the bean bag. “I’m sorry George, I didn’t realise you were still such a mess over Sean.”
“Shush!” Jimmie glared at Bails. “We don’t say his name when Georgia’s here.”
“You’re fuckin’ kiddin’ me right?” His eyes looked between all of us, I shook my head.
“We don’t say his name, we don’t talk about the band, and we don’t play music.”
Bailey was sitting up now with his elbows resting on his knees. “Why Porge, why?”
My eldest brother hadn’t been around to witness how close Sean and I had become over the years; he had no idea how deep our love had become. “Because I love him so much Bails, because it still hurts so fuckin’ much, because I am still, just barely hanging on.”
“Oh Georgia, I’m so sorry, I had no fuckin’ idea, I’m your big brother, I should’ve been here instead of letting Donna keep me away, I’m so fuckin’ sorry baby girl.” He pulls me down onto the floor, into his lap, everyone in the room is crying, everyone except me.
“What the fuck is that?” I ask as I hear a rumbling sound coming from outside, Bailey frowns.
“I don’t know.”
“Oh fuck.”
Lennon stands up and looks from me to Jimmie, she shakes her head slightly at him and they both sit down on the sofa. “Ha, it’s a bike, it must be Marley, fuck I can’t remember the last time we were all together.”
“Marley has a bike?” I ask, I know nothing about the life of the brother I was once so close to, I didn’t even know that he was in the country. I really need to start building bridges with him, there were less than three months until the wedding and I didn’t want any kind of an atmosphere between us on the day. I’d been thinking about this for a while now and if he was here now, well today was as good a day as any to make a start. The sound of the engine had gone quiet.
“He’ll go in and see the rents first, skin up Bails.” Lennon stated, yeah I thought, skin up Bails, talking to my brother again after almost four years would be so much easier to do stoned, I actually giggled to myself as I thought this.
Jimmie looked at me and smiled. “You mashed Georgia?”
I giggle again. “Fuck Jamie, I think I am.”
We lean into each other like we used to back in the day, the door to the studio swings open and in walks Marley, Sean, and two girls. My world stops turning and without any hesitation, consideration or thought of any kind I just look at him and say on a sob. “No, oh God no.”
“Fuck Gia.” He starts to move toward me.
“Get out!” Bailey roars at him.
“Georgia!” he calls out.
“Get the fuck out Maca!”
“No Bails, let me talk to her, G, please, can we talk G, and I just wanna talk.” I don’t know what to do; my eyes just roam over his face, his eyes, his nose, his chin, his beautiful face that I have missed so much, so very much.
“What do you wanna do George, shall I fuck him off out of it or dya wanna talk to him?” I take a few deep breaths, trying to steady my voice before I ask him to stay.
“Who the fuck’s she Maca?” The girl standing just inside the door asks, she’s short and blonde, with massive tits. Haley, she looks just like Haley, I can’t do this.
“Get out!” he shouts at the girl. “Get out, get out, get out!” She looks stunned but turns around and leaves, his eyes swing back to mine, pleadingly. “G, please baby, just talk to me, I miss you so much, so fuckin’ much.”
“Go,” I whisper.
“No G, no, please, just five minutes, there’s so much I need to tell ya, I love you so much Gia.”
“Go Sean, go!” I scream. Bailey knocks me off his lap as he throws himself toward him.
“Get the fuck out, you’ve hurt her enough, no more Maca, no fuckin’ more, else I swear I will kill you with my bare hands you cunt.”
I stand up but the room spins so I sit, Jimmie is next to me on the sofa, she’s sobbing, Len and Bailey are trying to drag Sean out of the door but he’s fighting them and calling my name and there to the left is Marley, standing all alone and just sobbing and shaking his head and my heart try’s its very hardest to break into even more pieces but it’s packed so tightly together behind that wall, that try as it might, it’s held in place, still and hard by all those bricks. I want to cry, I want to go to Marley and tell him that I don’t blame him, I want to go to Sean and tell him its okay, I forgive him and I want to be with him. Instead I wrap my arms around myself and scream and scream at every one to go and then finally, after so very long, I cry, Jimmie holds me while I cry, then my Mum is there and I cry, there is so much commotion going on outside. I can hear my brothers shouting, I can hear my Dad shouting but above all, I can hear Sean shouting and calling out my name.
My Doctor said it needed to happen, that I had held things in for far too long and what happened over the next few days, needed to happen. Basically what I had was a bit of a breakdown; I spent a couple of days in my old room at my parents, doing nothing but cry, then another couple of days staring into space, finally on Thursday I got up and showered, I pulled on a pair of trackies and a sweatshirt that I had at my Mums and went downstairs. I looked a mess, I had barely eaten, my eyes were puffy and my face blotchy from all the crying but I actually felt okay. My Mum had given me a couple of Valium Sunday night and a couple more on Monday so those days had gone by in a blur. Jim had been and sat with me Tuesday; Ash came over for a while on Tuesday night. I’d asked my Mum if she would call Marley and ask him to come and see me on Monday but I hadn’t heard anything from him. I’d fallen asleep around ten o’clock after Ash had come over again on Wednesday and when I woke at about two in the morning, he was there, sitting in the chair next to my bed, watching me sleep.
For some reason I was freezing, so I smiled at him and said, “Marley George Layton, would you please get in here and give me a cuddle, I’m freezing my fuckin’ tits off.”
He smiled back and said, “Fuck, it must be cold, coz you’ve got some fuckin’ tits to freeze off there girl.”
He kicked off his shoes and got into bed next to me, repeating an act that we had carried out throughout our lives, up until these past five or six years. We both lay on our sides and I spooned into his back.
“Don’t you dare fart on me,” I told him.
“Oh please George, don’t make out, we all know you’re the farter of the family.”
“Yeah right Marls, anyway, at least when I fart it smells of roses, yours smells like something crawled up your backside and died.”