His mouth opens but nothing comes out for a few seconds, I think he must have heard of them. “Fuck, fuckin’ hell, your brothers that Marley, shit, I had no idea. My sister loves them, she’s been to see them a few times, I’ve got a couple of their albums here, they’re really good.”
I nod in agreement. “Yeah, they’ve done well, I’ve barely seen Marls these past four years, we, I, I’ve had a few problems and we haven’t really spoke but he came over to my Mum’s and stayed last night, I think we’ve sorted things out now.”
My heart is hammering in my chest; I can’t believe I’m talking about this. “Is he the one that hurt you George, did he buy you the necklace?” He gestures toward my throat and I realise my hand is there, over the letter G at my throat. I drop it down into my lap and shake my head.
“No, no he didn’t, not on purpose, it’s complicated, I just, I’m not ready to go there yet.”
It suddenly occurs to me that he still hasn’t told me how old he is. “How old are you Cam?”
He blows out a deep sigh and looks around the room. “I’m thirty, I had no idea you were only twenty, fuck, no wonder Bailey went mental, I didn’t realise you were only twenty, I had you pegged at about twenty five.”
“Is it a problem then, is my age a problem?” He shakes his head; he suddenly looks very young and very vulnerable as he looks up at me through his lashes.
“Does my age bother you?”
I shake my head. “No,” I say it like it’s the most ridiculous statement ever.
“Will you tell me a bit about your family now?” I ask.
“What dya wanna know?”
I think about this for a second. “What’s your sister’s name?”
He folds his arms across his chest and rests his wine glass in the crook; I’m not sure if this is a defensive stance or if he’s just getting comfortable. “My sister’s name is Tory; my brothers are Robbie and Josh, nothing as unusual as your lot. My Mum’s Scottish so they’re all a bit traditional.”
“I like them, they’re nice names. How old are your brothers?”
“Robbie’s thirty four; Josh is twenty eight and Tory’s twenty one.”
“Yeah, I remember Tory’s birthday, the twenty fourth of September.”
“How’d you know that?” He asks, frowning.
“Because you came in the shop and bought her a shit load of stuff remember? You told me it was her twenty-first on the Saturday.”
“Fuck, you’ve got a good memory.”
“Not really, it’s my birthday too.”
“What is?’ He narrows his eyes as his frown deepens.
“My birthday is the twenty fourth of September, the same as your sister’s.”
“Really?’
“No, I lied; just to make conversation coz you’re boring the fuck out of me.” I hold a serious face for about five seconds. “Of course really you twat.” I laugh. He doesn’t.
“Oh Kitten, you will fuckin pay for that.” Oh shit. He puts his glass down and then takes mine from me; he takes my hand and pulls me along the sofa and between his legs. I lace my fingers across his chest and look up at him. “Are you going to let me fuck you tonight or what? Because I am just about ready to explode here.”
“I thought you were punishing me for calling you a twat.”
“Yeah I am, I will, I just need to know if I’m gonna get a shag tonight first.”
“Well seeing as you asked so nicely, no, no you’re not.”
“What, why?”
I don’t know why, if we’d just gone for it, I probably wouldn’t have been able to stop but because he’s asked and I’m actually thinking straight, I know that I’m not actually ready.
“I’m not ready.”
“Fuck Kitten.” He looks all around the room but not at me. “I need to get you home then.”
Well that hurts. “So just my company isn’t good enough for you, if I won’t shag you, you don’t want me around. Cheers Cam, that’s nice to know and there I was, thinking that there’s more to you than the flash cunt that’s always on display downstairs.”
I go to stand up but he grabs at the top of both my arms and it hurts. We are both kneeling, facing each other, in the middle of his sofa. “I need to get you home because I don’t want to be up on a rape charge.”
I shrink back at his words, rape charges and every horrible memory those words conjure are forced to the front of my mind.
“Let me go,” I say through gritted teeth.
“What the fuck is wrong with you Georgia?” he shouts at me. “You’re sitting there all fuckin’ sexy in my t-shirt.” He scratches at his head. “I don’t know where I fuckin am with ya, I’m a thirty year old bloke, I don’t play games Darlin’, if you want someone to mess with, then fuck off back to the dickless wonder you swanned in the bar with last week and stay the fuck away from me.”
I twist away from him while he has one hand still in his hair but he grabs at me again, pinning both my arms to my sides.
“Let me fuckin go Cam, let me go!” I screech at him as I throw myself about trying to get away from him.
“What dya want, what do you fuckin want from me?” He pulls me to him and looks down into my face.
He looks so angry, nobody has ever grabbed me, pulled me about like that or shouted at me in my life; I was a princess, I was spoilt and pampered, I had grown up getting basically, anything and everything I wanted in life, except for Sean that is and the only way I knew how to react to being shouted at in this way was to spit and snarl my way out of it. I tried to head butt him first, he reared back and looked at me, eyes wide with shock at my actions. “What the fuck are you doing?”
His voice was all high pitched and incredulous and as I realised he was trying not to laugh at my futile attempts to escape his grip and to inflict pain on him, the more determined I became. I threw myself backwards and he couldn’t help but fall on top of me, I bring my knee up and knee him in the balls, I’m thrashing from side to side and screaming at him, I must make contact as he doubles up and rolls onto his side, giving me room to roll out from underneath him, I start to head toward the door but he’s too fast and grabs me again.
“Stop.” He shakes me by my shoulders. “Fuckin’ stop, what the fuck is wrong with you?”
I slap him around the face and almost faint in shock when he slaps me back, it’s not hard, it’s barely a tap, but I’ve never been slapped in my life.
“Is that what you want?’ he asks. “Is that what you like? Is that what you’re into?”
He pushes me slightly in the chest and I take a step back. “Give me something, give me something for fuck’s sake Kitten, you totally baffle me, we were having a lovely night, one of the best nights in a woman’s company I’ve had in years and then, then you just flip. Who did it? Who fuckin’ broke you? I have to know who broke you before I can start putting you back together again so who, who was it?” he’s shouting and getting in my face and every step I take back, he takes one forward.
“Fuckin’ tell me.” he suddenly roars and I don’t know why, despite his size, his strength and his absolute maleness, I’m not in the least bit afraid of him, all I feel right now is anger, anger and sadness at the fact that the boy I love so much is still fucking up my life so badly.
“Sean!” I scream back at him. “Sean,” I sob as I drop down to my knees. “It’s Sean, it’s all Sean.”
I sob harder, big heaving, out of control sobs; he’s on the floor with me and pulls me into his lap. “Thank fuck.” he says into my hair, he kisses me, my head, my hair, my cheeks, my tears.
“Let it out Kitten, let it all out, it’s not good to keep it all in like that, believe me, I know, just let it out.” And I do, I thought I had cried all the tears I had in me at my Mum’s all week, but apparently not, this is different, I cried alone at my Mum’s, here, I was crying with someone and admitting to that someone, who my tears were for, I was facing up to my demons and not just brushing them aside.