His face falls and I instantly regret what I’ve just said, he swallows hard and strokes over my cheekbone with the back of his hand. “Oh Georgia Rae, you have no idea, no fuckin’ idea.”
He pulls me in and takes a big sniff of my hair. “I smell of fried egg,” I complain.
“Na, you smell like Gia, you smell like home, you smell like exactly where I want to spend the rest of my life.”
I swallow back the next round of tears threatening to escape and just say. “Eat your breakfast before its stone cold.”
He smacks my arse as I turn and go to fetch my cup of tea from where I left it over by the kettle. I come back and sit on the stool next to him and watch him eat as I sip my tea. “Why are you not eating G?’
I shake my head. “I don’t think I could keep anything down.”
“Why, what’s wrong?” He asks with a frown.
“Nothing, just… ” I shrug, “I don’t know, just all of this.”
I gesture between us. “You, me, my Mum, the circumstances, it’s just got my head spinning and my belly back flipping, I really don’t think I could keep anything down right now.”
“Just a bit of toast?” he asks.
“No.” I shake my head.
“G, baby, please don’t take this the wrong way but you really need to put on a bit of weight.” I don’t take it the wrong way; I know that I’m way to skinny. I’m not short at five feet eight and the last time I weighed myself I was just over eight stone, a whole stone lighter than I was a couple of years ago. I’d gained a couple of pounds these last few months since I’d been seeing Cam, but I still needed to gain more.
Cam, shit, I need to speak to him, he’ll be worrying himself sick about where I am, but I also need to end things between us. Don’t know how he’ll take that and oddly enough, I’m not really sure how I’m feeling about it either.
“G, you okay, I haven’t upset you with that have I?” Sean brings me back from my Cam dilemma.
“What? No, no. I know I’ve lost weight, too much work, gym, clubbing.” I shrug. “I was skinnier, but Cam’s been good for me, I’ve put… ” I stop as soon as I realise what I’m saying.
“So is Cam the boyfriend?” he asks, looking right into my eyes, I nod.
“I’ll have to call him today, he’ll be worried.”
“Don’t let me stop ya.” His eyes have lost their spark.
“Please don’t, I need to call him and I need to see him, he’s a nice bloke and he’ll be worrying about where I was all night.”
“You live together?”
“No, no but he’s got a key. I was out with him last night, we had a row, I stormed off and left him in the restaurant and jumped in a taxi and came here.”
“So I have Cam to thank for you falling into my arms last night?” he asks with a smirk.
I suppose he does. “If that’s the way you want to look at it, then yeah, you do.”
“G, where you and he are concerned, I don’t want to look at it at all, but, ya know, we’ve been apart, it’s been four years, I get it.” He shrugs his shoulders. “I hate the idea of it but I get it.”
He reaches out and brings my hand to his lips and kisses first the back, then turns it over and kisses my palm, then licks and kisses the inside of my wrist. He lets go and stands from his stool and takes his plate and cutlery over to the dishwasher. I know Sean, I know him inside out and I know exactly where he’s going now, even before he says, “I need the bog, you make your calls then come and join me in the shower.”
I smile and shake my head. “In one end and out the other, some things never change do they babe?”
He grins a cheeky grin at me and shrugs. “What can I say G? It’s the way I’m made.”
I watch him as he walks out of the kitchen, a few seconds later, he’s back and stood between my legs as I still sit on the stool, he tucks my hair behind my ears and my belly and my eyelids both flutter at his touch. “When you speak to Cam, be gentle with him.” He looks over my face and gives a slight nod. “I know first-hand, how fuckin’ awful it is to lose you.” He tilts his head, kisses me gently on the lips and turns and heads for the bathroom.
I sit for a moment longer and look over at the phone; my mind is in a complete whirl, for some reason thoughts of my Mum’s tumble drier come into my head. When we all lived at home, it always seemed to be full of socks, lots and lots of socks, different sizes, different colours, all going around and around and that’s exactly how my head feels right now and every one of those socks represents a thought and each of those thoughts are scrambling for attention in my brain and I have no idea where to start. I swallow down the last of my tea and pick up the phone, I call my flat first and see if Cam picks up but there’s no answer. I let it go to answer phone and call out for Cam to pick up if he’s there but still no answer, I call his flat but there’s no answer there so I leave a short message on his machine. I knew he wouldn’t be at either of the first two places, I’m just delaying the inevitable, it’s one o’clock on a Friday afternoon, there’s only one place he’ll be and that’s the office at the wine bar. He picks up on the second ring.
“Speak.” Charming, he’s so not in a good mood.
“Cam?”
“Kitten? Fuck, where the fuck are you? Don’t you ever do something like that to me again, you fuckin’ hear me. I’ve been worried sick, where are you?”
“I’m sorry, I’m fine, I should’ve called you last night. I didn’t mean to make you worry.”
“Where are you? I’ll come and get you.”
“No, no, that’s fine, I don’t need collecting.”
“You okay? I missed you, I stayed at yours last night, I needed to be able to smell you, I fuckin’ hated sleeping in your bed alone, and waking up alone.” My heart gives a little stutter, now that the hard protective brick wall is down, it’s affected by more than Sean it would seem and this little revelation seems to rush over me like a tidal wave. What does that mean? Has Cam always had the ability to make my heart do strange things, if I’d have let him?
“Georgia, you still there?”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m still here. Look Cam, we need to talk, not on the phone, I need to see you.”
“Well I just said I would come and get you now but I only have an hour, I have a flight out of City Airport to catch at four thirty, and I won’t be back until Monday.”
“Well, I’ll just wait and see you Monday then.” Monday’s good, gives me a bit of breathing space at least.
“I’d really like to see you now Kitten, Monday’s a long way off and I want to show you how sorry I am for being such a prick last night.”
“I can’t Cam, you don’t have to keep apologising, you shouldn’t have behaved like a prick, and I shouldn’t have stormed off like a diva. Go catch your flight and give me a call on Monday, once you’re home.”
He’s quiet for a minute and I feel really mean, I would actually like to see him now, the fact that he’s flying off somewhere I assume is overseas makes me feel a little pang of jealousy, he hadn’t mentioned this trip to me all week and he hadn’t said anything about it last night when I told him to come to Ashley’s party. I start to feel a little pissed off, we argued over Ashley’s party, when he knew full well he wouldn’t be able to come anyway.
“If I could get out of it George, I would but something’s come up with some business I have going on in Amsterdam and I need to fly over and sort it out, I only found out myself a couple of hours ago that I was going.”
“It’s okay.” I lie “You go and sort out your business. I’ll talk to you Monday.”
“I miss you George, have a good weekend.”
“You too Cam, bye.”
“George, I… nothing, I’ll see you Monday.” I end the call and wonder why, once again, I want to cry?