It was a hard blow to Regina, realizing that his constant admiration was fading little by little. Or rather it was subtly shifting in other directions. At thirty-eight Regina was no longer the coveted white ball of the billiards game, the centre of her husband’s attentions; and by forty-five she’d definitely become the black ball, the one whose turn comes only at the end of the game when there’s no other option. Now, turning fifty, after various facial touch-ups that hadn’t received more than a glimmer of recognition from Salvador, she’d decided to change her game. One day logic had prevailed over selfesteem: she had realized that she was fighting against an enemy as brutal as it was implacable, one she could hold back but not defeat. It had been her New Year’s resolution of the previous year: raise her self-esteem whatever the cost. And looking around her, she discovered that the glances her husband no longer gave her could come, surprisingly, from unexpected corners. In one sense, she thought, infidelity restored order and balanced her marriage. And although at the beginning she wasn’t really seeking sex, more to heal a battered ego which didn’t respond to anti-wrinkle treatments or the incisions of a scalpel, the avalanche of feelings she experienced from those strong muscular arms, hard smooth buttocks like blunt rocks, clumsy kisses and that restless tongue, which reached the most remote corners of her sex, was a real surprise. This new-generation lover was capable of fucking her to exhaustion and never losing his smile, of biting her neck like a playful puppy, even of slapping her when the pleasure was so intense his eyes closed without wanting them to. Like her, like everyone, he wanted to be seen and admired, but involuntarily unlike others, the big opinion he had of himself stayed in the street; in bed he was generous and tireless, demanding and affectionate. Some days a real bastard; some days a scared kid who asks for hugs. She wouldn’t have known how to say which she preferred; she did know that week by week she’d become hooked on those games behind closed doors, and the idea of going a month without seeing him, exiled on the Costa Brava with a sexagenarian husband she found repulsive now- the image of Salvador in trunks had become a nightmare she couldn’t escape-and a daughter in a full-on emotional storm was frankly disagreeable. Thank God, she wasn’t “in love” with someone who could be her son; in fact for a while now she had doubted the existence of this love with a capital “L” of which her husband never tired of writing, to the delight of women who wanted to live in such books. It was, simply, the inescapable lure of weeks that without him would have had no core. Although at times, alone in her room, she enjoyed remembering these encounters so much, nevertheless she thought she could go without them. . That day would come, she was sure, but in the meantime she would hoard explicit gruesome details in her memory to which her body responded without hesitation.
“What are you thinking?” Aleix whispered in her ear. “I thought you were asleep,” she said and kissed him on the forehead. She shifted a little so he could put his arm around her. Their hands intertwined. The force radiating from those strong fingers gave her life.
“Only a little. But it’s your fault,” he purred obscenely. “You wear me out.”
She laughed, satisfied, and his other hand sneaked under the sheets and brushed her thighs.
“Stop,” she protested, moving away a little. “We have to go.”
“No.” He pinned her down with his whole body. “I want to stay here.”
“Ah, come on, get up. Lazy. . It’s too hot to have you on top of me.” She used a mock-severe tone; like a rebellious child, he held her even more tightly in his arms. At last Regina succeeded in freeing herself; she sat on the edge of the bed and turned on the harsh light on the nightstand.
Aleix lay spread out in the shape of a cross, occupying practically the whole space. She couldn’t help being surprised once again by the beauty of that naked body. It was a bittersweet feeling: a mixture of admiration and embarrassment. Without getting up, she stretched out her arm to grab her bra and blouse, thrown on a nearby chair.
“You can stay in bed if you want,” she said, as she dressed, her back to him.
“Don’t go yet. I have to talk to you.”
Something in his tone of voice alarmed her suddenly and she turned, her blouse half buttoned.
“Does it have to be now?” She finished buttoning the blouse and picked up her watch from the nightstand. “It’s really late.”
He moved to kneel on the sheets and kissed her on the neck.
“Stop. . If you hadn’t stood me up yesterday, we’d have had more time. Salvador arrives in less than an hour and I have to go to the airport to collect him.”
“I did it for Gina, I already told you. . And it’s partly your fault: no mobile messages, no contact outside of here. I couldn’t tell you.”
She nodded rapidly, impatient.
“That’s how it has to be. OK, make the most of it while I’m dressing. What do you have to tell me?” She rose from the bed and began to put on her underwear and then her skirt. She didn’t even have time to go home and shower. She’d go straight to collect the Old Man.
“I’m in trouble. Bad trouble.”
Silence.
“I need money.”
“Money?” Regina didn’t know what to say. She turned red and stopped dressing.
He realized he’d offended her; he jumped out of bed, still naked, and came toward her. Regina looked away.
“Hey, hey. . Look at me,” he said to her. She did so, and then, seeing his face, she understood that he was really serious. “I wouldn’t be asking you if it wasn’t essential. But I’ve fucked up and I need it. Really.”
“You have parents, Aleix. Surely they’ll help you.”
“Don’t be absurd. I can’t go to them.”
Regina exhaled.
“What’s going on? Have you got some college girl pregnant or something like that?”
His expression changed and he grabbed her hand.
“Let go!” He didn’t. He grasped it more firmly and drew her toward him.
“This isn’t a joke, Regina. If I don’t get three thousand euros before Tuesday-”
She didn’t let him finish. She interrupted him with a dry, ironic laugh.
“Three thousand euros? You’re mad!”
Aleix squeezed her hand harder, but then dropped it. They were face to face, measuring each other up.
“I’ll pay you back.”
“Listen, no way. It’s not about whether you’d return it or not. Do you think I can take three thousand euros out of the account without Salvador noticing? And what would I say to him? That the fucking has been a little expensive this time?”
She was offended: it was what he’d been afraid of, making her feel like someone who has to pay for sex. He tried to explain.
“Listen, I’m not asking you as a lover, I’m asking you as a friend. I’m asking you because if I don’t give it back, these guys will kill me.”
“What are you talking about?” It was getting late. She wanted to finish this conversation and get out of there. “What guys?”
He lowered his head. He couldn’t tell her the whole thing.
“I wouldn’t be saying this to you if it wasn’t important.”
Regina didn’t want to give him any more options: she sat down on the chair to put on her white sandals, but the weight of silence, only broken by the sound of the air conditioning, was too much for her.