But she had to find it again. She had to.
‘He’ll be OK,’ Ben muttered, as the sound of he helicopter faded to nothing. He shoved his hands deep into his pockets and Lily thought he looked as strained as Rosa had.
He loved these people.
‘He will be,’ she said softly, in the voice she might have used for a frightened family member after a trauma. He looked…bewildered?
‘I… Yes.’
He was more than bewildered. He was in shock, she thought, but she had to move on.
‘I need to find Benjy,’ she managed. ‘Are you OK?’
‘Of course I’m OK,’ he said, and he seemed to give himself a mental shake. ‘Why wouldn’t I be?’
‘Because someone you love almost died?’
‘I don’t…’
‘Love? Yes, you do,’ she whispered. She held his gaze for a moment, watching what looked like a struggle behind his eyes. Had he not realised how important Doug and Rosa were to him? They were desperately important, she thought, maybe in the same way Kira had been important to her.
The aching void of loss slammed home again, as it had hit home time and time again since Kira’s death. But at least Kira had died knowing she was loved, Lily thought. At least she’d told the old lady that she was loved, and so had Benjy.
Had Ben ever told Rosa and Doug they were loved? Had he admitted it to himself?
‘You’ll see them soon,’ she said softly, and he flinched.
‘Sure.’ He shook his head, somehow hauling himself back under some sort of control. ‘I’ll…I’ll get someone here to take over the farm as soon as I can.’
Because you want to see Doug and Rosa, or because you want to leave us? Lily wondered, but she didn’t say it. She had to do a bit of self-protection here, too.
‘I…I need to find Benjy,’ she repeated. She needed to give her little boy a hug-mostly because she needed a hug herself.
The totally in-control Ben Blayden seemed somehow now right out of his comfort zone. He was staring ahead like he was looking into an abyss. And maybe he was even considering jumping. ‘OK,’ he managed. ‘Let’s find…let’s find our son.’
Our son? Lily thought. Our son? But he was already moving away. Questions had to wait.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
FINDING Benjy was easier said than done.
Despite the emotional nuances between Lily and Ben, almost as soon as she thought about Benjy Lily was aware of a wave of unease. Where was he?
As she hurried back to the house she forced herself to rewind the events of the last half-hour. Rosa and Benjy had gone out to talk to Flicker, but then Rosa had hurried back to tell them the helicopter was there. Benjy may well have stayed with Flicker.
But he must have seen the helicopter land, she thought. Wouldn’t he have come back to the house by now?
Ben was by her side but before she reached the house she’d started to run, leaving him behind. ‘Can you check the front of the house?’ she called. She ran up the veranda steps, just inside the back door. ‘Benjy?’
No Benjy.
OK, he must still be with Flicker. She walked back out onto the veranda, expecting to see Benjy on his favourite perch, on the end of the water trough where he talked to Flicker. In these last weeks Flicker had become Benjy’s new best friend; someone to talk to when adults didn’t cut it.
But the trough was bare. He must be in the house, Lily thought, retracing her steps. Had he come in while they’d been trying to save Doug? What had he seen? Benjy had suffered too much trauma for one small boy.
She reached the back door again and started to call, but then she turned again to stare down at the home paddock.
She’d almost missed it. Her eyes had swept the paddock, looking for Benjy. But now… She did another long perusal. There were no other animals in the home paddock.
The other four horses were grazing in the pasture on the far side of the river. It was only Flicker who was kept this side, as Rosa wanted her close for foaling. But the gate at the far side of the paddock was open, and Flicker was gone.
She catapulted down the back steps. Ben came around the corner of the house and she almost ran into him.
‘Whoa,’ he said, reaching out and steadying her. ‘He’s not out the front. Isn’t he here?’
‘N-no,’ she stammered. ‘Neither is Flicker. The gate’s open.’
Ben stilled. Without releasing Lily, he turned to check the paddock.
Nothing.
‘Would he have tried to take her to the river?’
‘Maybe he would,’ Lily whispered. ‘He was so upset about you going. If he and Rosa were getting Flicker ready for her daily walk and Rosa came back inside…’
‘Let’s go.’
Side by side they ran, down the track leading to the pasture where they normally brought the mare to graze. They reached the rocky outcrop at the bend to the horse pasture and stopped dead as they saw the deserted river bank before them.
No horse. No small boy.
‘She’s a strong horse,’ Lily whispered. ‘At the fork in the track even Rosa sometimes has a battle turning her this way. Rosa says she wants to join the other horses.’
‘Closer to the sea,’ Ben said, and they were already moving. ‘Hell, it’s marsh down there. If the horse gets stuck…’
And it seemed that was just what had happened.
For most of its length this river was deep and fast, surging from the mountains to form a swift-running channel, but at its mouth it broadened and shallowed.
On the far side of the river was a rocky incline, delineating the edge, but not this side. Because it was summer and the water from the mountain catchment was less, the width of river had narrowed. There was now thirty or forty yards of river-flat on this side, normally under water but now dry. Or almost dry.
On the far side of the river Lily saw the other four horses belonging to the property. They were staring over the river toward a clump of rocks. For a moment she couldn’t see what they were staring at. And then, appallingly, she did.
Flicker was there, half-hidden by the rocks. Lily hadn’t seen her because she’d been searching for something of horse height and Flicker was now a lot lower than horse height. The mare had taken herself halfway across the flat, trying to reach her companions. And then she’d sunk. She was up to her withers in mud, struggling to free herself from what looked to be an impossible situation.
Her world stilled. Where was Benjy? Dear God, where was Benjy?
But Ben was there before her. ‘Benjy.’ Ben was yelling his son’s name, breaking into a run across the mud, regardless of whether it was safe or not. ‘Benjy!’
‘I’m here.’ It was a terrified wail from behind the horse. ‘Dad, I’m here. Help me.’
She was running almost as fast as Ben. The ground gave a little under her feet, but she was moving too fast to sink. It was firm enough to hold her-just-but it was a miracle Flicker had got this far out.
Ben reached the horse before she did. By the time she reached them he was around the other side of Flicker. And there was Benjy. He was still clutching the halter as if he alone could stop the mare sinking, but the mare’s struggles had made the ground at her head a quagmire. It looked a glutinous mess that had hauled Benjy into it as well as the mare. He’d sunk to his chest, and the mare’s struggles were driving them both deeper.
But Ben had him. He sat on the ground behind Benjy, with his legs on either side of his son. His arms came around Benjy’s chest, and he leaned backward.
‘Don’t struggle,’ he told Benjy. ‘Just go limp in my arms. Let me do the work.’ He looked at the mare. ‘Hush,’ he told her, and crazily the mare stopped struggling for a little. She looked wild-eyed and as terrified as Benjy but maybe Ben’s bedside manner was not bad for horses either.