“She told me she’d been expecting me, and that she ‘regretted having to give such ominous news to a child.’ I hated being called a child, but I was too nervous to say anything in return. She reached over and took my hands. She told me she could see I was in love, and I turned so red I probably glowed. But then, she told me that I mustn’t marry-that if I did, it would end in tragedy.
“I jerked my hands away and stood up. Her words scared me, and my fear became anger. I told her that your father didn’t want to marry me, and if he did, I would wed him in an instant, no matter what she said.
“She looked at me with a sympathetic smile. She told me that your father loved me even then, and was waiting for me to come of age. But she warned again that I mustn’t marry him; if I did, he would die, and I would hate myself for the rest of my life.
“I sat back down, but I did not hold her hands. Hesitantly, I asked her how he would die.
“She admitted that she didn’t know, but told me that I was part of an important destiny, that my child-a child not fathered by the man I loved-would help save the world.
“I laughed so hard that I almost fell over. I’d bear a child with the man I loved and no other, and I told her as much.
“She insisted that I would have a child, and that one day I would have to let him go. She told me that he would one day be called to serve a northern lord, and that I should not interfere with this.” Selena paused, her eyes guilty and troubled. “And once he was gone, she said I was not to contact him again. She said my son would find me one day when there was a great upheaval in the world, but I could not allow him to find me before then or he would surely die.
“The Oracle could tell I didn’t believe her. ‘It seems you will marry your handsome fisherman anyway,’ she said. ‘But upon his death, remember my words.’ I left angrier than I had ever been in my life.”
“I take it you ignored her,” Lee said.
“To my everlasting regret,” Selena replied. “Your father and I kept writing one another, and each year he made sure to attend the annual fisherman’s meeting in Althetas. When I came of age and was old enough to leave the temple, we married. My family was furious. They wanted me to continue my education and become a novice, but I refused. As a result, my family ostracized me. I never saw any of them again.
“Your father always regretted that I had to sacrifice so much for him, but as long as we were together I didn’t care. For a time, we were very happy. I had all but forgotten what the Oracle had told me. Fishing was good in those days, and though we didn’t have much, we had enough to get by.
“Then, in a flash, it all changed. I was walking along the shore, collecting shells for a basket I was making as a present for one of our neighbors. I heard a clap of thunder over the water, and I looked to see the ocean boiling. Steam rose and became a hot mist. It was then that I saw him, walking across the waves towards me and smiling. It was Saraf, the God of the Sea. Somehow, I knew who he was instantly, and he was the most beautiful thing I had ever beheld. I nearly fainted at the sight of him.”
“What did he look like?” Lee asked.
“It’s impossible to describe,” she answered. “Not like a man, but not unlike one, either. Even now, all I can remember is the sheer beauty of his presence. He took me in his arms and loved me. I could not help myself. It was as if a spell was cast over me. Once in Saraf’s embrace, I didn’t care about anything else-not even your father.
“He left me on the shore, and I watched as he faded into the ocean. It wasn’t until he had gone that the realization of what had happened set in. I was wracked with guilt and self-hatred. I had betrayed the man I loved, and I could not live with it. I knew I had to tell him, but I was afraid he wouldn’t believe me. I sat on the beach and cried for hours.
“The sun had already gone down when your father found me. I told him what had happened and begged for his forgiveness. He said that a water spirit had warned him that Saraf would come to me that very day. He said the spirit was a vile thing, and that it told him he should kill me for such a betrayal.
“I told him that the spirit was right, and he should do just as it said. But instead, your father looked at me tenderly and held me close. He said he didn’t blame me, that fault was with Saraf.
“I wanted him to blame me, though. I wanted to be punished for what I had done, and after a time I grew resentful of your father’s forgiveness. I hated myself and wanted him to hate me too.
“Then, I found out I was with child.
“I remember the look on his face when I told him. Both of us knew who the father was, but he told me it didn’t matter, that he would love you all the same. I should have been grateful, but I wasn’t. I was angry-angry at him, angry at myself, and angry at Saraf.
“I know you must have thought I didn’t love you or your father, but that isn’t true. All I could think about, once you were born, was what the Oracle had told me. It was coming true, and I knew what would happen next.
“The day your father died, Saraf returned to me. I was outside gathering wood when I heard a voice call my name. I looked up, and there he was. This time he appeared as a shimmering light, but his voice was sad and full of remorse. He knew my husband was dead, and he told me he was sorry. “I stared at him in disbelief. I screamed at him, calling him a liar.
“He moved closer and told me it was the spirits of the water that caused my husband’s boat to sink. They were jealous that Saraf had loved me. When they failed to convince my husband to kill me, Saraf had hoped they would let go of their envy and move on. Instead, they waited. They waited until they thought Saraf had forgotten, and then they struck. They knew that an attempt on my life would be more than he could forgive, so instead, they took my husband. They knew it would hurt Saraf to see me in pain.
“I couldn’t believe it. I wept, unable to understand why the spirits would do such a thing.
“Saraf told me that the spirits could not bear to share his love with another; they wanted it all to themselves. He told me again that he was sorry. He tried to stop them, but he was too late. By the time he realized what they had done, it was over.
“I ran at him then, intent on killing him, but I passed through him as if he wasn’t there. I told him he knew nothing of love, cursing him as I fell to the ground, weeping. Saraf vanished and I never saw him again.
“It was then I knew what I would have to do. I returned to the temple and made sure we were sent north. When Lord Dauvis took you in, I fled and eventually found this place. At the time, it was a place of retirement for the Order of Amon Dahl. I told them my story and they allowed me to join the order and remain. When the Dark Knight destroyed the original Valshara, we reformed the Order from here. I sent people to Hazrah to keep an eye on you, but I was afraid to make contact out of fear of the Oracle’s words. I would not see you die because of my own foolishness. I’m sorry I was not there for you, Lee. I’m sorry that I caused you pain. I never wanted this, I swear.”
Selena’s eyes welled with tears as she gazed into her son’s eyes. Lee stood and walked around the desk. “For years I was angry with you,” he said, his voice trembling with emotion. “But I see now why you did what you did.”
“Can you forgive me?” she asked, rising to her feet.
“Mother,” Lee said tenderly. “I am alive because of your sacrifice. There is nothing to forgive.” He reached out and embraced her tightly, and they both wept joyful tears.
Chapter 33
Lee and Selena talked for hours, catching up on years of lost time. They stopped only when Lee noticed the fatigue in his mother’s eyes.
“We can speak more tomorrow,” he said. “You need rest.”
“I know there are important things we need to discuss,” she said, embracing him again. “But I’ve wanted to just sit and talk with you for so long. I’m afraid I’ll wake up and this will be a dream.”