I’m using up what little free time Kaoren used to have, and getting worried about whether he’s going to end up needing a holiday to recover from me. Though he has been sleeping deeply and well, so isn’t wandering around looking all shadowy-eyed.
This morning was stretching and weights with First Squad and Fourth Squad, which I was nervous about. But no-one in Fourth acted cross. I think they were trying to behave just as usual when I came in, and Par smiled at me, while Glade was looking highly entertained, and they all pretended they weren’t watching in fascination every time Kaoren spoke to me – though they’d have been disappointed if they’d been closer, since he was mainly telling me the same stuff Mara does about not bending my knees.
After the training session Maze, who watched me and Kaoren fairly closely as well, but seemed satisfied with how we were, told us all that First and Fourth would probably be posted back to Muina again in another couple of weeks, after the second phase of the larger squad trial. And just now (now being me in the middle of another uncomfortable session of work on my legs) they brought all the squads into a virtual meeting and announced that two senior Kalrani will be temporarily assigned to each squad, and join training sessions for a week before working with the squad on rotations.
"If eight-strength squads are successful, the assignments will be reviewed and made permanent," Maze told us. "No decision has been made as yet on what to do regarding accommodation, but the most likely options are to expand to the far side of the lift well, as with Devlin’s quarters, or to shuffle every squad upwards to make room. Either way, a second lift is being considered to facilitate urgent movement."
I’ve been reviewing the assignment list, checking out the names and talents. First has gained a guy and a girl – Kian Farn and Az Norivan – who are strongest with Ice and Water respectively. Basically rounding out primary talents they didn’t already have. Fourth gained two guys, Rada Dae and Sael Toren; Fire and Ice. Morel, the only Kalrani name I recognised among the assignment list, is part of Third, which I suspect he’ll be pleased about.
I hope they’re people I’ll like.
A store is selling copies of my coat, the one I drew the pattern from Kalasa’s door on. I’d have to save for weeks to buy one. And beanies have become extremely fashionable. The thing I resent most is that whoever did the coat they’re selling is a far better artist, and the pattern doesn’t look nearly so amateurish and uneven.
Monday, July 21
Pay day
That was the last major session of work on my legs for a while, which I’m glad of because they always leave me feeling a bit odd – they have a nanite which eats scar tissue and then a different nanite they’ve cultured from my skin which replaces the scars. The medics tell me they couldn’t just do that to start with because it’s much slower, and the initial focus is on getting the patient to not die, not making sure the patient’s legs are sexy[4]. Anyway, these cosmetic sessions involve lying there having bits of my legs eaten by nanites. No wonder I feel blah afterwards.
Since it was the night before a rotation, I went and curled up in Kaoren’s room, finishing off one of the books he recommended, then wondering whether I should buy more clothes and keep some in his rooms. I was contemplating the small amount of money I had left from my allowance and feeling very grumpy about the number of people making big profits off of me without even saying thanks when – almost as if he were psychic! – Tsur Selkie sent me a channel request and said: "At what point were you going to mention that you continue to receive only the Displaced Aliens Stipend?"
He sounded genuinely curious, so instead of telling him next time I met an intrepid girl reporter, I said: "When I needed to buy something I couldn’t afford."
"Is that cultural?" he asked, surprising me by not saying a few crisp words and breaking connection. "Some kind of taboo regarding receiving payment?"
"In a way, a bit," I said, having not really thought about it. "If passer-by see someone in trouble, and saves their life, very crass to ask for a fee. I would be very strange person if turned around and say that because I unlock Muina, expect to be given lots of money. But working with Setari – whose job it is to save people – different situation. And helping fill in Rana Junction Gate, completely different situation. Be embarrassing asking to be paid, but would have pointed out eventually that if going to treat me like an employee, very mean not to give me a wage. Waiting to see if anyone notice."
"The administrative body of the Displaced Aliens Fund noticed, and have requested a refund of payments received since you were returned to KOTIS."
I had to laugh. "Tarens very stingy people."
Selkie had reverted to being a bluesuit, though, and simply said: "You’ll be classified as captain for salary purposes," and broke connection.
So I’m now an actual employee of KOTIS, more or less – and have an awful lot of money, since Setari captains seem to get paid plenty and I had more than a Taren year’s worth built up (minus repaying my stipend, and a whole bunch of taxes). Kaoren, when I told him about it, said that the things I find funny are liable to drive Selkie insane.
He also told me to check my schedule, which had been updated. First and Fourth are going to take me into the Ena for my next few testing sessions, using the opportunity to break in their new members by clearing Ionoth in near-space. This dual-purpose use of time was typically Kaoren and I laughed and told him that if I ever wanted to drive him insane I’d just force him to do something, anything, inefficiently. He went unexpectedly intense in response, and kissed me really hard. I guess I probably already drive him insane.
We haven’t pushed each other yet, haven’t had an argument or done anything guaranteed to irritate the other, but this – he and I – has been working better than I could have hoped given that he’s a driven perfectionist and I’m, well, a stop and smell the roses type. I’m finding myself unexpectedly settled rather than plagued with doubts.
We didn’t make love last night, though; the first time in the eight whole days since we got together. Kaoren could tell my legs had left me very queasy this time round, and I think his Sights mean that unless I’m truly into it, it’s not going to happen. No faking allowed. Instead we watched one of Kaoren’s favourite movies (this incredibly sad and smart and beautiful story about a woman outwitting a mad AI), and then I read more diary and we talked about the schoolies week and going to high school in Australia, and then experimentally eating things to see whether they kill you.
My first four days on Muina. I was so alone.
I had a nightmare later: not one of the Sight ones, just dreaming of walking along that river and never being found. I cried a little, when Kaoren woke me up, because I really don’t care that much about not being allowed out into the city, or the size of my pay packet, or anything but not being so scared and isolated. And this growing confidence I have about Kaoren just underlines to me that, despite how nice people were to me, I stayed being scared and isolated long after I was rescued.