Realigning his thinking, he bowed his head and emptied out his mind, then took a crack at it. At first, it made him seem further away from the Weave, but then he began to feel it on the edges of his awareness. He tried to reach out and draw in at the same time, directing his attempts at the feeling of warmth and pulsating, heart-beat like throbbing that surrounded him. It tantalized him, staying right where he could sense it but just out of reach, and his serenity slowly began to erode into aggravation. He began to rise up out of his chair, eyes opening and lit from within with that almost glowing radiance that meant he was angry.
"Calmly," Dolanna said in a soothing voice. "Do not work yourself up, Tarrin."
Blowing out his breath, Tarrin sat back down. Waiting for something to happen was getting to him, and his good mood quickly disintigrated into something more unfriendly.
"I could feel you more active with the Weave before you lost yourself," Dolanna told him in a calming voice. "Whatever you were doing, continue. Maybe it will be what you need to succeed."
Nodding, panting a bit, Tarrin bowed his head and closed his eyes-
– closing his eyes. No wonder. Smacking himself on the head with a paw, he groaned in dismay.
"What is it, dear one?" Dolanna asked curiously.
Opening his eyes, Tarrin reached out while trying to draw in, focusing his eyes where he could sense the energy of the Weave. The strand slowly wavered into a phantasmic form before his eyes, and he felt himself make contact with it. The sudden influx of power into him felt like the glory of a god. It was warm, tingling, and it filled him like a vessel, saturating his body with a feeling that came close to rapture.
"Tarrin!" Dolanna gasped. "You did it!"
"I did it," he said, trying to both ignore and revel in the sensation at the same time. The strands in the room became visible to him as wavering, ghostly tendrils, and he could feel the pulsating power of the Weave, almost like a heartbeat, roaring through him. And it was building up. He wasn't drawing it in anymore, but it was still flooding into him, and that pleasure was starting to turn into pain. "Now how do I let go of it?"
"Cut yourself off, dear one!" she said quickly. "You are building up too much power!"
"I'm not doing anything!" he objected, feeling the pulsating like a hammer to the back of his skull.
Dolanna's body seemed to shimmer, and then he realized that she had touched the Weave. He felt something sever his connection to the Weave like a knife, and then the power inside simply bled away, leaving him feeling cold and strangely empty. It also left a sharp headache, but the pain in his head began to fade almost as quickly as the power had.
"Tarrin, when you make contact with the Weave, you must resist it," she told him. "It will try to fill you, for it will see you as a part of the Weave, and as I said, the magical energy always follows the path of least resistance."
"Why didn't you tell me that before?"
"Because most students are not so in tune with the Weave," she said, pursing her lips. "Your raw power must make me change my methods, I see. You are so strong, the Weave tried to fill you in a flood. For most Initiates, it takes hours to build up so much magic. It will trickle into them, usually without them noticing it. But your power gives you the ability to instantly gather up enough energy to work. That is something that we usually have to teach to our students."
"Why did it start to hurt?"
"Our bodies are fragile, young one," she said. "They were never made to withstand so much power. That pain you felt is what happens when a Sorcerer attempts to do something beyond his ability. If I had not cut you off, the energy would have built up, and the pain become worse, until it would have destroyed you."
Tarrin blinked. "Consumed?"
She nodded. "Let us calm down, then try again. This time, when you feel the Weave connect to you, hold it at bay. You must allow it in and push it away at the same time. The balance of them is what will determine how much energy you allow to fill you." He nodded, remembering that he used the trick of reaching out and pulling in at the same time to make the connection. It was only logical, in the illogical sense of Sorcery, to have to draw in and push out at the same time to resist the flood of the magic. "Why were you so angry before?"
"I've been sitting here for four days fighting to touch the Weave, and I was doing it with my eyes closed," he said in disgust.
Dolanna considered it for a moment, then she laughed wryly. "You are too grounded in your senses," she realized. "Unless you could see what you were reaching for, you would fail. Your Were nature makes it difficult for you to work with anything that you can't experience with your natural senses, and the Sorcerer's unnatural sense dealing with the Weave is unfamiliar to it."
He nodded sourly. "Four days of aggravation for nothing," he growled. "I should have realized that closing my eyes was stopping me."
"You are still growing into your Were nature, my dear one," she said gently. "You still have much to learn. Do not kick yourself for things that you cannot know easily. But you should feel happy that you have done it," she told him, patting him on the shoulder. "Four days is very quick for an Initiate's first touching."
"I'd be happier if I didn't feel like an idiot," he grunted.
She chuckled. "As they say, the man who looks behind can see all, where the man who looks ahead only sees the bend in the road."
He blew out his breath, then finally managed to give a rueful chuckle. "Yes, well, it doesn't help," he told her.
"We still have a few hours, my dear one," she said, sitting back down. "Let us practice on touching the Weave. As you know, just one time is not enough to make it automatic. It is a learned skill, like any other. Once you make a touch, we will work on keeping your touch without losing control of it. We will also work on letting go. Your raw power will make that a vital lesson."
Tarrin looked over at her with a resolute expression. "Alright, let's get on with it."
He was expecting it to still be difficult, but much to his shock, the Weave was right there the next time he tried to touch it. He made contact immediately, and he felt the power rush into him. He tried to resist it, but it was like trying to dam a river with a blueberry bush. "Let go, Tarrin!" Dolanna barked. "Push it away!"
It was one of the hardest things he'd ever done. He stood in the face of that torrent of power, then he somehow did something between him and it, almost like cutting a cord with a knife. The power rush stopped, and he felt it drain harmlessly away from him. But it did cause him to have a momentary headache. "Good, Tarrin, good," she said. "You must still learn to resist, but you have managed to cut yourself off. You must still learn to let go of it on your own."
"Isn't that what I did?"
She shook her head. "You used your power to cut yourself off from the Weave," she explained. "You did to yourself what I did to you. You should simply let go of it, push it away from you. It would be much less unpleasant."
"Alright, let's try again," he said, blowing out his breath. He was starting to feel worn out. He reached out again, and once again, the Weave responded instantly to his call. He felt the power flood into him, and he gritted his teeth and stood fast against the torrent, then found purchase against it. He physically pushed out with his arms, and that helped his mind push the power away, faster than it was coming into him. He felt it slow, waver, and then it simply stopped. He blinked in confusion and looked to Dolanna, who was smiling slightly. "You let go of it, dear one," she explained. "Was that your intention?"