Canes are either varnished or left natural. Which one you pick is a matter of taste, but both do require some maintenance. Canes are organic roots from the earth and they dry out. Natural canes need to be treated with water—just soak them in the bathtub. Varnished canes have their moisture sealed in, but sometimes that seal cracks. Just sand the tip and stand the cane up in some linseed oil for a few days, and it will soak up the moisture. You can reseal it with some varnish or clear nail polish.
Canes made from synthetic materials are technically rods, not canes, but they are striking implements, so I include them in the discussion. Synthetic rods are dense, for harder and more penetrating hits. They need a lot less maintenance than canes and are easy to clean. Look for a rod made of Delrin, Lexan, or fiberglass—acrylic rods are more likely to break.
Before you hit someone you love with a cane, you may want to practice with an inanimate object, like a pillow. The nap on a velvet pillow can show where your strokes are landing, which is useful for you to see. Or you can use baby powder on the tip of the cane to see where it lands on a dark-colored pillow. Practicing with a pillow can help you to develop your technique and build your confidence.
As with spanking, the traditional position for having your ass caned is bent over. This offers up a nice big target to strike. Caning someone who is standing upright is much more difficult, as there is less surface area. The person receiving the caning could also lie flat on the bed—this can be very relaxing for a serious caning. As in spanking, you want to build up gradually, not too hard and not too fast. If you just start out hitting hard, your partner will likely use her safeword to stop the scene and may be totally turned off to doing any more caning scenes. Warm up with a nice spanking and ease into light taps with the cane. Get those endorphins flowing.
Caning is best on the sweet spot with the lower portion of the cane landing in the middle on both ass cheeks at once. The tip should not go beyond the meat of the ass. The upper thighs—front, back, and insides—can also be caned. The fold between the butt and thighs is safe but can be painful. Stay away from bony areas, especially the tailbone. Do not hit above the top of the ass crack, because there’s soft tissue there as well as the sciatic nerve. It is best to hit too low rather than too high, but never so low as to hit the backs of the knees.
When starting a caning session, begin with light taps. Do not use a death grip on the cane. Hold it lightly, so it almost swivels in the hand. As you ramp up the scene, use more wrist action. After a while, you can start using your forearm. Once a bottom is warmed up—and how long that can take is different for everybody—you may be able to do full strokes. Because canes are so flexible, a hard stroke can bend the cane 90 degrees or more. The tip travels very quickly—only a singletail travels faster. Accuracy is cruciaclass="underline" a mis-hit is very painful and can be dangerous. The most common error is wrapping, where the tip of the cane goes beyond the meat of the ass, wraps around the butt, and strikes the side of the hip. Some people don’t have a lot of padding there, but regardless, it is not an erotic spot to hit. Wrapping happens because the top’s body dynamics change when going from a warm-up to a full strike. The tendency is to move your body, the cane, or both farther forward toward the bottom, which can make the cane wrap. Avoid wrapping by compensating and stepping back a little. Beginning caners can also use padding as extra protection for the person being caned. Put your bottom in a long corset or a weight belt or between two pillows; these accessories and the pillows on either side can protect from mis-hits and wrapping.
When the strike lands, the bottom does not experience the sensation immediately. It takes a while for the sensation to dissipate. The strike lands, there is a little pause, and then the bottom feels it: a hot pain that radiates outward. Timing is key: space out the strokes, or else your partner will go numb and won’t feel anything. Wait about 12–18 seconds, before the pain goes away, and then strike again. I like to ask my partners to tell me when the sensation has gone away. You may be surprised at how long it lasts. You can also watch your partner and wait for him to relax his butt muscles. Again, feedback is so important. Watch her move. Listen to her breathing. Deep, careful breathing is good; short, choppy breathing is not. Strike on the bottom’s exhale. I like to match their breathing and get into a rhythm.
My favorite way to ascertain how hard the strikes are is to ask partners to rate a hit from 1 to 10. As the scene moves forward, a strike that was rated as a 7 eventually becomes a 3! Vary the strikes. Hit a few medium strikes and then do a heavier one. A snappy blow that is pulled back a bit just before impact will sting more. Follow through past the impact for more thud and penetration. Touch, rub, or caress the butt or genitals between strokes.
As with spanking, you can add dildos, butt plugs, and vibrators for pleasure. One of my play partners likes to rub himself up against pillows while I am caning him in bed. We get into a rhythm: stroke of the cane, a slight pause, and then he writhes against the pillow slowly. Then he gets back into a position where I can cane him again. It’s very sexy.
Like rhythmic spanking, rhythmic caning can produce orgasms. Once, during a good caning scene with my girlfriend, I saw her breathing change and her body stiffen, so I backed down. The next day, she told me that if I had kept going, she would have come. I had mistaken her reactions for distress. The next time we played, I watched her and realized that, yes, she was working her way up to an orgasm. I kept up the rhythm and she came.
Sensuous spanking does not usually incur a lot of bruising, especially after a nice slow warm-up, but it can happen. However, most people do bruise from a good caning. Everyone’s body responds differently. Some people love the bruises. They are “souvenirs” or reminders of a good time. Some people like to look at them in the mirror or show them off. To lessen bruising, apply cold during the first 48 hours afterward; after that, apply heat. Keep the skin moisturized with some nice lotion. Arnica from the health food store also heals bruising.
FLOGGING
In any dungeon, the most ubiquitous item in BDSM toy bags is the flogger. This toy is popular because it can provide a wide variety of sensations. Most people have several floggers because it’s so hard to pick just one.
Look at the handle. Many traditional floggers have braided leather handles with knots. Does this work look tight and even? Other floggers may have wooden handles. How does it feel in your hand? Does the weight of the handle versus the tails feel balanced in your hand? The length and diameter of the handle should feel proportionate to the tails. Try swinging the flogger to see if it is ergonomic for your body. Decide what feels best to you. If you have small hands, a larger-diameter handle may not feel secure in your hands. Just as a tennis racket should fit your hand and your body, so should a flogger. But not all floggers will fit your body the same way either; picture how a badminton racket feels right yet is different from a tennis racket that also feels right.
Your other consideration is the tails of the flogger. How long should your flogger be? The longer tails travel a greater arc from you. They provide more impact, but also require more strength from you. Shorter tails are often better for beginners because you can have better control for accuracy. A shorter length is also better for tight spaces, like a bedroom with a ceiling fan. If you do acquire a flogger that is too long for you, do not cut the tails: you will ruin the balance of the whip. It is best to trade the flogger with a friend or give it away as a gift.