What do I mean by that? Well, mindfuck can cover a broad spectrum of activities, ranging from the rather mild to the extremely wild. For example, a rather mild mindfuck would be tying up and blindfolding your partner and then making her think you’ve left or that someone else has arrived. An edgier example would be starting a scene by making someone write his suicide note at gunpoint. (And, yes, I’ve done that one. Always tear up the first note and tell them it’s not convincing enough. Be sure to obtain samples of their signature well before the scene so that you can confirm they’re not faking that part either. Doesn’t hurt to make them dig their own grave, too. Just saying.)
There are many things mindfuck isn’t, even though it often gets bound up, mixed up, and confused with those other things. For example, mindfuck isn’t always edge play. Edge play is pushing the envelope of a scene—any scene. So edge play for you may include very risky activities, like breath control and weapon sex, but really, every scene has its own edge: plaster bondage is an edge form of bondage, double fisting is an edge form of fisting, singletail whipping is an edge form of flailing. So, while a lot of mindfucks can be edge play, they don’t have to be. Conversely, most edge play doesn’t involve mindfuck at all.
Mindfuck isn’t playing head games, though you might think of head games as a kind of nonconsensual mindfuck. “Game players” (and they’re all over cyberspace) are creating that sense of illusion and are, essentially, lying, but not in a way that works for both players. Clearly, the person doing the lying is getting something out of it, maybe getting off on it, but the person being lied to has not agreed to be lied to. That’s not to say that head game players are not into mindfuck, but it is a way to further delineate what makes mindfuck mindfuck. One of its essential elements is the mysterious and intoxicating paradox of consensual nonconsent. Consensual nonconsent can be summarized like this: I’m going to lie to you all throughout the mind fuck but only ’cause you’ve told me it’s okay to fuck with your head like that. To put it simply, mindfuck always requires the consent of all parties involved.
Mindfuck isn’t mind control. Mindfuck is making someone believe something is happening that isn’t really happening.
Mindfuck isn’t mind control. Mindfuck is making someone believe something is happening that isn’t really happening; mind control is making someone believe something is happening that really is happening. With mindfuck, trust is used to enter and then leave this altered sense of what is real. With mind control, trust is used to enter and then make permanent this altered sense of what is real. The two work very well together and are often combined, but they’re definitely not the same thing.
Finally, mindfuck isn’t interrogation. I often see mindfuck and interrogation paired in classes at various SM educational events, but there’s a crucial difference—you know the interrogation isn’t reaclass="underline" you’re not really a prisoner of war and your Top doesn’t really work for the Gestapo, you’re not really a perp and your Top isn’t really a cop (well, unless you’re really, really lucky). It’s the sense of could-be-real-but-hope-it-isn’t that defines mindfuck for me, and that’s something that doesn’t happen in interrogation scenes. Besides, you know how to end an interrogation scene: give up the right info. For a bottom in a mindfuck scene, half the fun is not knowing how, when, or whether it will end.
Given what mindfuck is and isn’t, any scene can use mindfuck but some scenes seem particularly good for it. In particular, scenes that might seem difficult to do “for real” make sense for mindfuck, since mindfuck can make extreme situations feel real. I’m talking about scenes like kidnapping, white slavery, rape, castration, even snuff. Whoa—extreme examples, I know, but if you’re the kind of person who has desires like these, mindfuck comes in very handy.
WHY THE FUCK?
So why the fuck do people get into mindfuck? For one thing, there’s a good biological reason. In the kink scene there are a lot of endorphin junkies, often called pain pigs. They get a real, actual physical high from pain because the brain releases its own natural painkillers. In the same way, mindfuckers can be considered adrenaline junkies. Fear triggers the fight-or-flight response, fueled by adrenaline, which, as it turns out, is chemically related to amphetamines. Granted, it’s a very different kind of high for mindfuckers: not a mellow, floaty “my vulva is one with the universe” high but a jittery, revved-up “oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck” kind of high. Endorphins are like great downers but adrenaline is uppers all the way. And it’s just as addictive. Don’t believe me? Go ask anyone who likes to jump off bridges or out of airplanes.
For others, though, part of the appeal of mindfuck is its potential for magic. One way to define magic is to say that it is the ability to alter someone’s perception of reality. In that sense, mindfuck literally is a kind of magic because during the mindfuck things feel very real. Thus it can be used for very transformative, spiritual, cathartic, shamanic scenes: walking someone through death or trauma, for example. I’ve used mindfuck a lot for catharsis. I helped one boy through the loss of his Daddy on 9/11 and a woman deal with the fact that her family had deliberately forgotten her grandfather because he didn’t get out of Germany in time during the Holocaust. Powerful, magical shit it is.
But for the more jaded among us (me included) mindfuck is about a special kind of fear—the fear and wonder we had when we first got into kink. Let’s face it, at first kink is mysterious and unreadable and even a little scary, but it becomes prosaic, if not boring. You know what they say: it’s only kinky the first time. My cock used to drip just seeing a pair of cheap handcuffs, but these days I need the most elaborate restraints devised by the most devious minds just to get my attention. That kinda sucks. Mindfuck brings back the edge—the edge is where we teetered before exploring kink, before we stepped into this world. I can remember my first few scenes. My heart would be racing, my stomach flip-flopping. Nerves, fear, adrenaline. It’s nice to feel that way again once you’ve gotten inured to it all.
And as with most forms of SM, people get off on mindfuck because it plays so well with power. The bottom experiences an enormous sense of being controlled, because someone is “in your head.” Mindfuck goes beyond physical control and reaches into the psyche, where it feels much more real. And fuckkkkk, what a rush for the Top to feel that kind of power and control.
Add it all up, and you can see that mindfuck also lets us experience outlaw SM. Safe, sane, consensual, risk-aware consensual kink—blah blah blah. Mindfuck lets you do all the stuff you’re not supposed to do. You’re not supposed to rape people. You’re not supposed to kill them. You’re not supposed to offer their souls to Satan in return for more power and pleasure. You’re only supposed to play nice—hard maybe, but still nice. Mindfuck lets you play nasty, though again only through consensual nonconsent.
THE 3 F’N MFS