He didn't wait for an answer but strode purposefully from the Hall, elated at having finally said something and half guilty because he had lost control of his temper. He heard Lytol call his name but for once that summons did not exact obedience.
This time it would not be Jaxom, however young a Lord or Ruatha Hold he still was, who apologized for his behavior. The enormous backlog of similar incidents, manfully swallowed or overlooked for any number of logical reasons, swept aside every consideration except to put as much distance between himself and his invidious position, his too reasonable and conscientious guardian and the obnoxious group of people who mistook daily intimacy for license.
Ruth, picking up his rider's distress, came charging out of the old stable which made his weyr at Ruatha Hold. The white dragon's fragile seeming wings were half spread as he rushed to give whatever aid his mate needed. With a breath that was half a sob, Jaxom vaulted to Ruth's back and urged him up out of the courtyard just as Lytol appeared at the massive Hold doors. Jaxom averted his face so that later he'd be able to say truthfully that he hadn't seen Lytol waving.
Ruth beat strongly upward, his lighter mass launched more readily than that of the regular sized dragons.
«You're twice the dragon the others are. Twice! You're better at everything! Everything!» Jaxom's thought was so turbulent that Ruth trumpeted defiance.
The startled brown watchdragon queried them from the fire heights and the entire Hold population of fire lizards materialized around Ruth, dipping and swooping, chirping in echoed agitation.
Ruth cleared the fire heights and then winked into between, unerringly going to the high mountain lake above the Hold which had become their special retreat.
The penetrating cold of between, brief passage though it was, reduced Jaxom's temper. He began shivering, since he wore only his sleeveless tunic, as Ruth glided down effortlessly to the water's edge.
«It's completely and utterly unfair!» he said, slamming his right fist into his thigh so hard that Ruth grunted with the impact.
What is troubling you today? the dragon asked as he landed daintily on the lake verge.
«Everything! Nothing!»
Which? Ruth reasonably wanted to know and turned his head to gaze at his rider.
Jaxom slid from the soft skinned white back and encircled the dragon's neck with his arms, pulling the wedge shaped head against him, for comforting.
Why do you let them upset you? Ruth asked, his eyes whirling with love and affection for his weyrmate.
«A very good question,» Jaxom replied after a full moment's consideration. «But they know exactly how.» Then he laughed. «This is where all that objectivity Robinton talks about ought to operate… and doesn't.»
The Masterharper is honored for his wisdom. Ruth sounded uncertain, and his tone made Jaxom smile.
He was always being told that dragons had no ability to understand abstract concepts or complex relationships. Too often Ruth surprised him by remarks that cast doubt on the theory. Dragons, particularly Ruth in Jaxom's biased opinion, obviously perceived far more than others credited to them. Even Weyrleaders like F'lar or Lessa and even N'ton. Thinking about the Fort Weyrleader reminded Jaxom that he now had a particular reason for going to the Mastersmithhall this morning. N'ton, who would be there to hear Wansor, was the only rider Jaxom felt would be likely to help him.
«Shells!» Jaxom kicked rebelliously at a stone, watching the ripples it caused when it skittered across the surface of the lake and finally sank. Robinton had often used the ripple effect to demonstrate how a tiny action produced multiple reactions. Jaxom let out a snort, wondering how many ripples he'd caused this morning by storming out of the Hall. And just why had this morning bothered him so much? It had begun like other mornings, with Dorse's trite comments about oversized fire lizards, with Lytol's habitual query about Ruth's health as if the dragon were likely to deteriorate overnight and with Deelan snidely repeating that sickeningly old hoot about visitors starving at the Smithcrafthall. To be sure, Deelan's mothering had lately begun to irritate Jaxom, especially when the dear soul invariably fondled him in front of her seething natural son, Dorse. All the time honored, worn out nonsense that started a day, every day, at Ruatha Hold. Why, today, should it jerk him to his feet in a fury and drive him from the Hall he was Lord of, fleeing from people over whom, in theory, he had all control and right?
And there was nothing wrong with Ruth. Nothing. No. I am fine, Ruth said, then added in a plaintive tone, except that I didn't have time for my swim.
Jaxom stroked the soft eye ridges, smiling indulgently. «Sorry to spoil your morning, too.»
You haven't. I'll swim in the lake. Quieter here, Ruth said and nuzzled Jaxom. It's better here for you, too.
«I hope so.» Anger was foreign to Jaxom and he resented the violence of his inner feelings and those who had driven him to such a point of fury. «Better swim. We've got to go on to the Smithcrafthall, you know.»
Ruth had no sooner spread his wings than a clutch of fire lizards appeared in the air above him, wildly cluttering and loudly broadcasting thoughts of smug satisfaction at their cleverness in finding him. One winked out immediately and Jaxom felt another stab of resentment. Keeping track of him, huh? That'd be one more order from him when he got back to the Hold. Who did they think he was, an unbreeched child or an Oldtimer?
He sighed, repentant. Of course, they'd be worried about him when he'd stormed out of the Hold like that. Not that he was likely to go anywhere but to the lake. Not that he could possibly come to harm with Ruth, and not that he and Ruth could go anywhere on Pern where fire lizards couldn't find them.
His resentment flared anew, this time against the silly fire lizards. Why, of all dragons, did every fire lizard have an insatiable curiosity about Ruth? Wherever they went on Pern, every fire lizard in the neighborhood came popping in to gawk at the white dragon. This activity used to amuse Jaxom because the fire lizards would give Ruth the most incredible images of things they remembered, and Ruth would pass the more interesting ones to him. But today, as with everything else, amusement had soured to irritation.
«Analyze,» Lytol was fond of directing him. «Think objectively. You can't govern others until you can control yourself and see the broader, forward looking view.»
Jaxom took a couple of deep breaths, the kind Lytol recommended he take before speaking, to organize what he was going to say.
Ruth had winged over the deep blue waters of the little lake now, fire lizards outlining his graceful figure. He suddenly folded his wings and dove. Jaxom shuddered, wondering how Ruth could enjoy the biting cold waters fed by the snowcapped peaks of the High Ranges. In the muggy midsummer heat, Jaxom often found it refreshing, but now, with winter barely past? He shuddered again. Well, if dragons didn't feel the three times more intense cold of between, a plunge in an icy lake would not be bothersome.
Ruth surfaced, waves lapping against the bank at Jaxom's feet. Jaxom idly stripped a branch of its thick needles and launched them one after another into the incoming ripples. Well, one wave of reaction to this morning's outburst was the dispatch of fire lizards to find him.