When Jane herself arrived, Bingley was beside himself with pleasure. It was evident that since the first news of Lydia’s elopement had been received, he had not been able to spend as much time with Jane as he would have wished, owing to Mrs. Bennet’s demands upon her time. Jane herself seemed slightly subdued, though Elizabeth did her best to draw her out about the events during her absence, which had clearly taken their toll on her.
Jane was equally eager to hear about the proceedings in London, and Elizabeth dwelt with some warmth on the subject of Lydia’s irresponsibility, avoiding any mention of the role she had played in the negotiations with Wickham. She caught Jane stealing glances at Bingley to see how he was taking their tale, as if concerned that he might be distressed by it. Feeling that a change of subject was in order, Elizabeth began to describe her pleasure in the sights of Derbyshire. When she reached the subject of Pemberley and the delight that she had taken in it, Darcy took her hand in his with a warm smile, kissed it lightly, and then retained it in his as she went on. Somewhat inured to this behavior on his part by this point, and feeling as if they were among close friends, if not family, she gave him an affectionate look.
By the end of dinner, however, Elizabeth was fully convinced that Jane was out of spirits. She was not happy; her normal tranquility and warmth seemed somehow lessened. However, the gentlemen were determined not to permit the ladies to withdraw after dinner, so they all adjourned to the drawing room, somewhat to the distress of Elizabeth, who had been hoping for some time alone with Jane.
She was sufficiently concerned to raise the subject when they had just a few minutes apart from the gentlemen at the pianoforte. “Jane, is aught the matter? You do not seem yourself tonight.”
Jane’s fair skin colored delicately. “What could be wrong, Lizzy?” she asked a little too quickly. “Lydia is found and to be married, you are here and happy, and I have my dearest Bingley.”
Elizabeth looked at her skeptically, but was reluctant to press the subject under the circumstances. However, after she had delighted the gentlemen with her musical abilities, she found the opportunity to speak quietly to Darcy. “Would you be so kind as to take Mr. Bingley off to play some billiards, or whatever it is that men do when they are by themselves? I need to speak to Jane alone.”
Darcy acknowledged her request with a barely perceptible nod, but to avoid being obvious, he waited several minutes before saying, “Bingley, it has been weeks since I have had the pleasure of thrashing you at billiards. Shall we have a game?”
Bingley groaned. “Must we, Darcy? The outcome is a foregone conclusion, is it not?”
“Think of it as an opportunity to improve your skills,” Darcy said with an ironic smile.
“Oh, well, if it will make you happy, I suppose we could,” Bingley grumbled good-naturedly.
Darcy caught Elizabeth’s hand in his for a moment as they excused themselves, giving her a warm look. Bingley laughed. “Oh, for God’s sake, Darcy—we are only going as far as the billiard room!” Darcy pinned Bingley with a haughty stare that made Elizabeth burst into laughter before he himself smiled.
Elizabeth moved to sit beside Jane and took her hand between hers. “Now, dearest Jane,” she said in an engaging voice, “tell me about everything.”
“There is nothing really to tell; I have spent much of my time with our mother, although aunt Gardiner was more than kind in helping with that. I do hope that this can all be hushed up, though so many people know about it already.”
“And you and Mr. Bingley? How goes the romance?”
Jane colored. “There has been little time for romance, I fear. Charles has been quite attentive in visiting, though.”
But could you speak to him of what you were feeling, Jane? Elizabeth wondered. “I am sorry that I could not be here with you,” she said aloud. “I have worried about how you were feeling. I know how much I missed having my dearest Jane to talk to and to comfort me when I was in Derbyshire, and you were facing much worse on your own!”
Jane seemed a little relieved by her words. “I confess that I could not understand at the time why you did not return to Longbourn as I asked, and did not even send a letter or a message to me with our aunt, but now that I know of your marriage, I can see why of course you had to go with Mr. Darcy.”
With a slight grimace, Elizabeth said, “I thought of writing, but felt as if I would have to tell you the whole truth if I did, and I did not want to add to your burdens. I can see, though, that failing to write added to those burdens as well.”
“I can see how happy you are with Mr. Darcy, Lizzy. I recall how unhappy you were before you left for Derbyshire, and I am so glad that you were able to work it out with him.” Despite her smile, her words had an undertone of wistfulness, and Elizabeth realized Jane could be envious of her new intimacy with Darcy.
A playful look came to Elizabeth’s face, and she said, “It was more a matter of accepting the inevitable! But yes, I am very happy. I confess that I had not quite understood how much closer he and I would be once we were married, and I believe that it has been good for both of us. Oh, Jane, I do want you to know him better, since you and he are the dearest people in the world to me!”
Her smile became more genuine at Elizabeth’s words. “I am so glad that he and my dear Bingley are such good friends! But, Lizzy… will you tell me what happened at Pemberley? Were you discovered by someone? I know you had permitted him… some liberties before you left here.”
Elizabeth colored. “Oh, Jane, if I tell you, you will be so ashamed of me.”
“Lizzy, I could never be ashamed of you!”
“Well, Jane, if you are certain you wish to know, I will tell you, but you will not like it!” Elizabeth found herself surprisingly overcome with embarrassment faced with this admission.
“If you do not wish to tell me, I shall not be offended,” said Jane hesitantly.
Putting her hands to her hot cheeks, Elizabeth said, “No one found us; I fear that we found ourselves out, and it was in William’s bed.”
“Lizzy!” Jane’s voice exhibited the deepest of shock.
“So there was only one thing to do, and… I told you that you would be ashamed of me!”
“Not ashamed, but, oh, Lizzy, how could you have, that is, did he…” Jane was clearly unable to even bring the words to her lips. “I am not upset, but… a bit shocked, yes. I cannot understand quite how… venturesome you and Mr. Darcy have been.”
Elizabeth smiled with amusement. “Well, dearest Jane, if you wish an explanation, I will do my best to give one to you, but it is rather difficult since I do not know what license you have permitted Mr. Bingley, nor how you have felt about it.”
It was Jane’s turn to blush. “I am not so daring as you, Lizzy! We have been circumspect; he holds my hand when we are alone, and I have allowed him to kiss my cheek.”
“And have you never wanted more? No, do not try to answer; that was an unfair question. If the truth is to be told, I found William’s kisses very… pleasant, and they grew even more so with time. And the more we indulged in that pleasure, the more tempting it became to do more, and one night the temptation became too great for us. Despite everything our mother has told us about the duties of the marriage bed, it truly can bring great joy and happiness as well.”
“That is reassuring, I suppose, after what she has said! But Lizzy, was it not upsetting for you, afterwards?”
Elizabeth could not prevent a smile. “Well, I was quite shocked at myself, I must admit, and disappointed at my weakness. Certainly I would not have chosen to have it happen so. I had so hoped that you and I would share a wedding! But there are ways in which it was not as surprising as it might have been. He and I have always been out of step with the usual procedure—our time here was more like an engagement for us in many ways. I know that Mr. Darcy saw himself as committed to me very early on, which affected his behavior towards me, and while I would not admit to myself what was happening, I knew some time before I accepted him that I would be marrying him.”