Another way you can build generalizations unconsciously is to build learnings that encompass everything. In Greek society there was an occult group based on something called mathematics. Mathematics is now considered a science, but not long ago people who did mathematics were considered sorcerers, and thought of themselves that way. It was like practicing magic or some religion. Mathematicians at that time discovered that there were two sets of numbers. First they discovered positive numbers, and then they discovered subtraction, and with subtraction came negative numbers. This caused a division in mathematics. Some mathematicians thought that everything was addition. There were others who believed that the right way to think about numbers was subtraction. Those two groups had wars about who was right.
Then someone came along and said "Hey, we can put both of these principles into the same schema and call it algebra." The idea of algebra didn't require breaking any generalizations or violating anything. It only required being inclusive; it required getting a larger picture.
I used to go to lots of psychotherapy groups to find out what group leaders did. At one seminar they locked us all in a room and told us we were all jerks. They said the reason we were jerks was that we felt bad about ourselves. They said that since we sometimes felt stupid and helpless, or didn't feel like we were worthwhile, we were dummies. This was true because we had another choice. That choice was to feel good about ourselves.
They went through a rigorous procedure of torturing us for days and days, and somehow this was supposed to make us feel better about ourselves. What they didn't teach us is that feeling good or bad about yourself is really part of something bigger called feedback. You see, if you feel bad about yourself, but that doesn't lead you into changing your behavior so you can feel good about yourself, it's not very useful. If you feel good about yourself, but you're doing things that hurt other people and you don't get feedback about that, that's not useful either. Just because you feel good about yourself doesn't mean that you're doing good things; and doing good things doesn't mean that you're going to feel good later on.
One of the things that has amazed me more than anything else in my experience with human beings, is that people who are supposed to be in love, fight. And when they fight they do things that could really affect their relationship negatively over a long period of time. Usually it's because they forget what they are doing with each other. They forget that they arc together to be intimate. It slips their minds, and they start arguing over where they're going to go on vacations, how to bring up the kids, who should take out the garbage, and other wierd little things. And they arc really effective at making each other feel bad. They have forgotten something that would tie meaningfulness to the whole experience.
Now I want to give you a more official example of hypnosis, because too many of you are not looking around the room and noticing what's going on in here. So I'd like to take somebody out of the audience and put him up here. There are certain advantages to sitting in this chair, because you get to watch 100 people go in and out of altered states, and they only get to watch one. Is there somebody in the audience who would volunteer?
OK. What's your name?
Woman: Linda.
OK, Linda. Are you married? (Yes.) Can you think of anything that your husband does that makes you feel some way that you don't like? You don't have to talk about what it is, but I'd like for you to think of some idiosyncratic behavior of his—perhaps some tone of voice, some gesture, some set of movements—that makes you feel unpleasant, If he didn't do that behavior, you wouldn't have to feel unpleasant, but if he kept it and your response to it was really positive, it would make your life a lot easier. So he could do exactly what he does, but rather than feeling bad, you could still enjoy yourself—perhaps even feel very pleasant… .
OK. Take a few moments. Close your eyes and look at times and places where you've seen him do those things. And when you look at him in those situations, I want you to be very sure … that you can discern which of his hands moves the most… . In each memory notice specifically how he's dressed … and approximately what time of day it was. , . .
It's not that these facts are important in and of themselves … because what's important here … is not necessarily , . . going to be … facts at all… . Because in your past you've had the experience … where what you thought was an absolute fact … became the opposite of what you came to believe later on. … That's the nature of time… . Time changes everything. … In fact, without time … nothing at all changes… . Light wouldn't exist without motion … and motion doesn't exist without time, …
Right now, I want you to take the time to go way, way back into your own childhood, and find there some past, pleasant memories that you haven't thought about fora long time… . Because many things happened to you …in your own childhood … things that were fun … things that were important… . Right now, the most important thing … is that your unconscious mind … begin to learn … to separate out. . , one thing from another …to begin to work actively … and sort through those childhood memories …to find one that is just … pleasant … enough… .
And I want you . , . that's right …to enjoy that process …. When you find that pleasant memory … I want you to experience those feelings… . Get inside that memory… . Notice the smells and sounds and the tastes … of what goes on. … Because inside that memory … is enjoyment for your conscious mind… . And inside that memory … is the foundation that your unconscious mind … can use to build an entirely new learning… .
Now, inside that memory … that pleasant memory … something is occurring. … Do you know what the name of that something is? … That's right… . Remember that name… . That's a set of words … that you can remember later on. Now, when you went through life . . , you went from one memory to another. Only they weren't even memories yet, they were just experiences… . And as you moved from one experience to another … you'd have an enjoyable one … but as time went on, your enjoyment would change to something else . . , because there were also experiences which were very, very unpleasant … some which really scared you … some which you fought your way through … and from which you learned a lot about living… . That's right… .
And as you got through those experiences, you said to yourself "Never again." … And as time went on … those unpleasant experiences faded into the past . . , and they became the basis … of powerful learnings … about how to cope with the world in a way that was effective… . They were useful… . However, they're not nearly as useful …as what happens when you say the name …of that pleasant memory… . Say that name to yourself… and as you do … you can go back there again… . That's right. … Go back inside that memory … the pleasant one … and find the enjoyment… . That's right… . Because you forgot to do something… . Lots of people forget… .
When you go from a pleasant experience to an unpleasant one, you don't use the pleasantness as a way of coping… . On the other hand when you leave an unpleasant experience and go to a pleasant one, somehow or other it's so easy to take the unpleasantness with you. … It seems foolish somehow, but yet it's easier that way. And if you take some time … take a deep breath … and let that unpleasant memory really fade … and then move forward … and go back into that pleasant memory … that enjoyable memory … and when you're in that memory this time … you tell yourself … "I'll never forget this again… ." Because some things … are a resource … that you want to take with you … to be at your beck and call… . And some things are a burden . , . and they're no longer needed… .