So this is your little office-in-home? Comfortable. You’ve nice taste.
About taste, I do not know. Penny has the taste.
I’m not sure if this hypnotism stuff is going to work. Trial starting Monday — I’m pretty tense. I’ll try.
Fine. And now I want you to unburden yourself. Tell me some of the things that are worrying you.
Oh, Remy has a big catastrophe happening in Guyana, some kind of reagent with cyanide spilled at a gold mine, and it’s completely poisoned a river. Remy is going nuts. And, oh, God, Mother is threatening to fly out from Labrador for the trial — I told her no, definitely not. It would be so embarrassing. I’ve always been her good little girl. . And what else? I’ve been getting these lusts.
Lusts?
Yeah, I don’t know why, maybe Remy isn’t. . Well, he’s a little distracted, I guess. I mean, I like sex — I think it’s healthy. Of course as soon as I say that, here comes the guilt again. Punish me, Father, give me ten Hail Marys. God, I’m a masochist. Growing up Catholic you learn to love pain. I was never weaned from Sunday school. .
You are frowning. Some thought has struck you?
Yeah, but, I don’t know — it just went.
Sunday school. .
Oh, hey, I found out O’Donnell’s seeing a psychiatrist, too.
How did you learn that?
Remy said one of the detectives told him. Do you know a Dr. Jane Dix?
Quite well. For him, a very odd choice.
Why?
She is very active on women’s issues.
Hmm. I guess you get the therapist you deserve. Well, maybe she’s what he needs. She must be having a lot of fun with his screwed-up head. His latest addiction is jogging, according to Remy’s informed sources. What’s the psychological explanation for that? Fear, right? He’s a scared rabbit. Oh, I’m back with Remy, now, living at his place. He came crawling. Ooh, that felt good. Apologized for being upset over the play, promised to be more supportive. He should, after all, he’s the one who pushed me into this.
How do you mean?
I’m not sure if I would have laid charges. . I’m not sure. Remy was all gung-ho.
Are you feeling more relaxed now?
Yeah, I think I’m exhausted from talking.
I am going to move over here. I will just plug this in behind you -
Comfortable?
Yes.
Please let all your muscles go limp, yes? Your whole body. All the tension is gone. Your mind is relaxed. Do not concentrate on anything; just listen to my voice.
Whoo, I feel funny already. Okay, I put myself completely in your hands.
We are doing this together. Cooperation, yes? Not control.
Okay.
I want you to think of sleep now. Think only that one thought. Breathe deeply. Yes, you are becoming tired, and your eyes are heavy. . your whole head is heavy, your eyelids are heavy. . you are perfectly comfortable and you are so drowsy, and you are going to close your eye-lids. Your eyes, they are closing, they are closing now, and you are going into a deep sleep, and you will stay fast asleep until I tell you to wake up, yes? I am going to count to ten, and when I reach ten you will take a deep breath and fall completely asleep. But also you will hear my voice. When I speak to you, you will be able to hear. Your eyes feel so-o-o heavy. You are completely relaxed. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Take a deep breath. Do you hear me?
Yes.
You may open your eyes if you like.
Okay.
How old are you, Kimberley?
Twenty-three.
Do you remember when you were a little girl?
Yes.
Do you remember what you wanted to be when you grew up?
An actress. I liked to play dress-up.
Now I want you to go back to your childhood, yes? To a time when you are a little girl playing dress-up.
Yes.
How old are you now?
Nine years old. Soon I’ll be ten.
Does it make you happy to play dress-up?
Yes, and my mummy lets me play with all her old clothes.
What else do you like to do?
I play with my friends. And I have a little sister, Kelly, and I look after her. And I have a dog named Morgan. And I like school very much. I have puppets, too, Mummy and Daddy gave them to me at Christmas.
Do you remember a time when you were not so happy?
No, I’m a happy girl. Mummy and Daddy say I’m a good girl, too.
Now go back in time, yes? Go back to when you are a little younger and you are not so happy. You are at a time when you are sad.
Yes.
Why are you sad? Mummy’s mad at me.
Why?
Because I don’t want to go to Sunday school.
And why don’t you want to go?
I don’t know. I’m afraid.
Tell me what you are afraid of, Kimberley.
I don’t know. I don’t know.
How old are you?
I’m eight.
Let us go together to your Sunday school. I will be with you. Let us go back to the week before. What is happening at Sunday school?
I don’t want to go there.
Why?
It hurts.
What hurts?. . Kimberley, what hurts? Do not be afraid.
He hurt me.
I am sorry, I did not hear you so well. He hurt me so bad.
Who hurt you?
The man that lives near the Sunday school. Did the man do something? Dr. Kropinski. .
It is okay, my dear, I am close by you.
Mummy and Daddy told me not to speak to strangers, and I did, and it’s a mortal sin.
Do not be afraid, Kimberley. Tell me what he did.
He said he wanted to show me his bunny rabbits, he has some baby rabbits, and I can see them in a cage, and. . I’m afraid.
Here. I am holding your hand.
And he pushed me into his shed, and pushed me against the wall, and he has his hand over my mouth and he’s dirty and smelly, and. . and. . he pulled my pants down and put his thing in me, in my bum, and it hurt so bad. And, and my dress is all dirty, and he called me a little tramp, and he is going to kill me and kill my mummy and daddy if I tell anyone, and I ran, and I fell into a ditch, and got all muddy, and I ran home, and I didn’t tell Mummy, I said I fell into a ditch.
Why do you not tell your mother what happened?
‘Cause. . ‘cause I don’t know.
You do not know?
I stopped ‘membering.
You stopped remembering.
Only that I fell.
That is all that you recalled afterwards, yes? But you remember now.
Yes.
You remember that man.
I don’t want to, but I ‘member.
But it is all over, yes? It is a long time ago and it is all over. You are not afraid any more, are you, Kimberley? Yes, I am. I’m so scared.
I am going to bring you back now, yes? When I count to three you will wake up. When you wake up, you will remember about the man who hurt you. Do you understand?
Yes.
One, two, three.
Oh, God.
Oh, goodness.
Oh, oh.
Penny, Penny, quick. . Bring a towel and a basin. . B
Margaret is sitting on her front veranda, bare-armed and willowy in a light Indian-print dress. One of her pet geese hisses and sticks its tongue out at me as I approach, then stalks off, haughty and disgusted. Margaret smiles, encouraging me to come forward, but my body has stalled five feet from her stoop, my knees locked in sudden dread — she will think I’m a silly oaf when I present my posies from behind my back. Worse, these were living things; I have damaged the environment, clear-cut my flower beds.
“What have you got there?”
I grin lamely, move towards her and lay them in her arms. “For thee the wonder-working earth puts forth sweet flowers.”
For a moment she looks critically at my haphazard bouquet, then reaches up and kisses me lightly on the cheek. “How lovely. “The soft bells of her voice.