‘Would you like some of this?’ The man shows me a sealed little bag of coke, after bringing us two glasses of whisky. He is just friendly; nothing wrong with that. But when I look at his smiling face my heart sinks – there is something very not right in his eyes.
I try to calm myself down. Alexandra told me that even though I’d never worked with him before he is an old client she’d known for ages.
He sets up a few lines and watches me doing them, still wearing his creepy smile. I rub my nose, but instead of my usual feeling, my hunch gets obsessively bigger. He is weird, fucking weird… Why doesn’t he sniff himself? Or if he doesn’t do drugs why would he have them on him in the first place?
But I stop myself, trying not to overthink the situation, keeping in mind that Alexandra knows the man, so he should be safe.
The creep is quite generous and asks if I would like another hit before we go to his bedroom. I don’t say no and get loaded pretty well, ignoring my anxiety and diluting my consciousness in the mist I try to stay in.
We go to the bedroom and the fucking, for the most part, turns to harsh but standard. He bangs me with a condom, then some time later persuades me to take it off, promising another hit. I don’t really know how much time has passed but it seems he’s been perforating me for an extensive period already.
He is getting tired and frustrated.
‘I want to fuck your ass, Sweetie,’ he exclaims without stopping the digging.
‘I don’t do ass-fucking, sorry.’ My answer is broken up by my breathing. ‘Oh, come on. I’ll give you a nice take-away.’ He obviously means more drugs for me in exchange.
‘Do you think I am a crack whore, or what?’ I lose it and almost shout. ‘Get off me!’
He doesn’t move, his body weight pressing me even harder into the mattress. He smiles viciously. ‘Hmm… you refuse, and resist me? That’s even better!’
I try to push him off me as hard as I can, threatening to go to the police if he does not stop, but I can’t do anything. He is at least twice as heavy as me, and we both know I can’t go to the police.
He laughs back, throws me face-down on the pillow, locks my neck firmly with one hand and tries to hold me still while grabbing my ass with the other. After a short battle, he forces his hard cock into my anus.
I scream from a strike of burning pain.
This only encourages him to brutalise his assault, thrusting faster and harder.
I want to move away to escape the agony, but all I can do is keep screaming, while choking on my tears. When I lose my voice, I just continue to whisper like I’m casting a spelclass="underline" ‘Please stop, you’re hurting me, please stop.’
But he smirks in response and continues piercing my asshole until he comes.
He rolls off my back, wiping the sweat off his smug phiz with the sheet. ‘She was right. You are a lot of fun, Victoria.’
I get off the bed, still feeling the sharp pain, and quickly pick my clothes up off the floor.
‘What do you mean? Who was right?’ My voice is quiet and hoarse from screaming.
He gives me a wide smile back, gets up to reach the cigarettes, ‘Your pimp. What’s her name? Alexandra.’ He takes a deep drag. ‘She told me you would do anything for a hit.’
The blood floods my head and I feel like I am going to pass out, but I manage to take a few steps and get to the bathroom. I notice a few red drops running down my legs. No kidding. The fucker ruptured me.
It’s okay, Jul. It hurts, but will not kill. Calm down and let’s get out of here first… you can cry about it later.
I dress while suffocating from tremendous humiliation and pain. When I walk back out to the bedroom I do my best to pretend that nothing happened: I don’t want to show the bastard that I am afraid of him – or, worse, make him angry. When he sees me all dressed, he lifts his eyebrows.
‘I assume you are not staying overnight, Sweetie? I hope you don’t expect me to pay you the full amount.’ He enjoys every word with that damn smirk and pushes a hundred bucks into my hand. Then, he heads to the front door and opens it wide. ‘I hope you enjoyed it too, Victoria, and that I will see you again.’
Sick motherfucker! I wish I could smash that arrogant smile off your face right now!
But instead I take the money and leave without saying a word.
I quickly walk down the stairs. As soon as I am on the street I start weeping: the fear and humiliation, mixed with the rage of knowing that Alexandra just set me up, make it unbearable for me. I don’t know how to handle it.
What a bitch! I am going to trash her…
48
I jump into the cab and dial Alexandra.
‘The fucker raped me!’ I scream hoarsely at the cellphone as soon as I hear her sugary ‘hello’. ‘Is that what you meant when you told him I would do anything for a hit?’
The driver jerks in fright, now checking on me in the rearview mirror. Luckily, we’re speaking Russian.
‘What are you talking about, Victoria? What happened?’
‘He raped my ass, and it’s all your fault, you fucking bitch!’ I utter, barely audibly, but I don’t care – she knows what I am talking about.
‘How’s it my fault now?’ she raises her voice. ‘You have sniffed your brains out and became a goner-junkie. Look at yourself in the mirror before you accuse anyone else! Besides…’ she returns to calm and sugary, ‘I know this client very well – he wouldn’t do anything like that. You probably agreed to it.’
‘Fuck you!’ I utter out loud.
‘Watch your language, Victoria. I am not going to tolerate you talking to me like this. Yes. I knew from day one you were “fine” to fuck without a condom. If the client requested someone with no complications, you were my first choice. No one forced you to be flexible, Victoria. You became that yourself! In fact, you should be grateful that I could give you a lot of work.’
‘Grateful?’ My throat is dry and itchy and I feel that I am losing my voice again, but I can’t stop and my yelling becomes hoarser, ‘For what, you fucking bitch, for my bleeding ass right now? Fuck you! Did you hear me? Fuck you!’ I say as my voice breaks down. I shut my cellphone and a wave of hot tears starts running down my face.
The driver pulls a bottle of water from nowhere and passes it to me, then gets a box of tissues from the glove compartment.
‘Teşekkürler,’ I thank him, and try to calm down.
As I walk into the apartment, angry Inna is pulling my clothes from the hangers and shelves and throwing them onto the floor, in the middle of the room.
It looks like my day is not going to get better…
‘What are you doing, Inna? Are you mad?’
She turns to me and stops for a moment. Her eyes are red with anger and I can see that she is pretty drunk.
‘You dirty slut! Aside from turning into a real junkie and bringing your shit to my place, you also sleep with me in one bed, after you fuck without condoms?’
‘What are you talking about?’ My voice sounds too weak. I have no energy to argue.
‘I spoke to Alexandra. She told me everything.’ Inna doesn’t calm down. ‘I want you out of my place! I don’t need a crack whore who will bring Aids and God knows what else to my place!’
‘No problem, girlfriend, I am out. Will fetch my stuff in a day or two. I will have to find a place to stay first… in the middle of the night.’