I look down at the glowing, rippling water, grateful to have something else to focus on. I wish I could remove myself from this conversation, from this reality, from these feelings. With my throat getting tight, I squeeze my eyes shut to try to hold back the tears that are welling up.
The water is so peaceful, so calming, so beautiful. Focus on the water, only the water. But I can’t.
I finally find the strength to meet his eyes again. The expression all over his face tells me he knows exactly how I feel. He can read me perfectly.
“I’m sorry, Ash,” he whispers as his thumbs glide over my cheekbones.
“I know,” I whisper back as a tear falls down my cheek. I hate that tear. I hate that I can’t just be happy for him.
“Hey.” He gently pulls my face closer to his. “Stop it. We have a whole year, and Penn State isn’t that far. Plus, we have Skype and lots of phone sex to look forward to.” He smiles, letting me know he’s joking.
I can’t help laughing. He can always make me feel better, and that makes me miss him more already.
“Know what I haven’t done in a long time?”
“What?” I give him a sideways glance, almost afraid of what he’s going to say.
“A handstand.” With that, he dives through the water.
I see his legs and feet sticking up in sort of a straight line, and I burst out laughing at how ridiculous he looks. As he pops back out of the water, his kid-like grin makes me want to jump in his arms again.
“Come on. Let’s see what you’ve got, Miss Professional Swim Team Swimmer.”
“Oh, yeah? You want to go there? I don’t think you want to go there,” I tell him, trying desperately to keep a serious face, before I cut through the water.
I know my handstand kills his. My legs are perfectly straight, my toes pointed. If this were an Olympic sport, I would have nailed the gold.
As I break the surface, his contagious laugh fills the air.
“Impressive.” He rubs his chin as if he is in deep concentration, studying my form.
“Shut up.” I swim up to him and kiss him. Then I push him under the water and kiss him again as we float under the surface.
I feel the water swirl around us as elation rushes through me. We both separate to really see one another through the haze of the water, and then we break the surface together, laughing at how outrageous yet amazing this is.
We give each other a knowing smile, we are thinking the same thing, and then we drop back down beneath the surface. Who needs to breathe when you can kiss?
His breath floats into me and mine into him as we kiss each other intensely, knowing we only have a few seconds before we need to break the surface to take a deep breath. We both can’t stop smiling through each kiss as we go back under the water, again and again. We feel like kids in the playground, trying to beat the clock to make the most of the moment, to see who will break first. Todd pulls me up.
“I love you, Ash.” He wipes the water droplets away from my eyes.
“I love you, too,” I say back as I run my hands over his strong jawline.
Todd’s smile drops away, but his eyes remain locked on mine. “I know we’re going to be okay.”
A shiver runs through my body with those words, and I know he’s right.
“Just like the tree, one step at a time.” I smile.
The corners of his lips turn up in a smile. “Yeah, exactly. One step at a time.”
That’s my new motto for this year.
One step at a time, I repeat to myself.
Chapter 6: Homecoming
ASHLEY
Homecoming week as a sophomore has been entirely different than as a freshman. For starters, I know what to expect, I’m somewhat of a homecoming expert now. I see the freshmen wandering the halls, dressed up with no clue what to do next, and I can’t help smiling to myself.
So much has changed in just one year. Last year at this time, I had a giant, secret crush on my brother’s best friend, who happens to be my best friend’s older brother, and this year, he’s my boyfriend. Boyfriend! I still love saying that word!
The boys have taken homecoming just as seriously as last year, if not even more because they are seniors now and this is their last one. They refuse to be beaten by the juniors, just as they did to the seniors last year. Our class knows we have no chance of winning, so we just dress up for fun. However, the seniors are serious about every, single dress up day.
It’s Friday, Spirit day, at six forty-five in the morning. I’m sitting in Ryan’s Mustang in the senior lot by myself, almost an hour before school starts since my loving brother gave me zero notice that he needed to come to school early for something ‘Top Secret’ when he woke me up at five fifteen this morning. As if I didn’t notice the giant duffle bag in the back of his car.
God only knows what they are doing right now.
The only cars in the parking lot are Ryan’s, Todd’s, and Brian’s. Sid is beyond lucky for having Simon as a ride option. Unfortunately, all of my ride options are already here since Blythe lives across town.
I’m supposed to sit here and wait for a text from Ryan or Todd, and then meet them outside of the boys’ locker room. Are you kidding me? So here I sit. Alone. Waiting for my phone to buzz as I paint an EHS on my cheek with eyeliner because that’s about as far as I’m going with school spirit.
I’m in deep concentration on my S when a fist slams on my side window, making me jump. Now there is a giant black line across my cheek. Awesome.
“Blythe! You scared the crap out of me!” I say, rolling down my window. Being that it’s a classic, there is no such thing as automatic windows.
“Sorry, Ash. And sorry about your cheek.” She eyes the giant black smudge that is now running across my face with a smile.
“Yeah, thanks for that. Today is really off to a fantastic start.”
“I can see that. So they roped you in, too?”
“Wait, is that why you’re here so early?”
“Yup. Got a text from Brian.” She gestures to her phone. “Urgent, meet me at school, wait for my text in SL.”
“What are they up to?”
“Who knows? But I’m sure it’s not good, knowing them.”
Unable to deny it, I smile. They have taken everything a little far this week. Of course, kissing Todd is always amazing, even when he’s dressed as a girl. And I know because I did it twice this week, although it was a little strange worrying about his lipstick leaving marks on my skin.
“Why do you think they need our help?”
“We shall see.”
“Wanna come in and wait in here?”
“Sure.” As she walks around to slide into the driver’s seat, I notice she’s wearing a black dress that’s more like a shirt and gold, glittered cowboy boots.
“Nice school spirit.”
“I try. Brian’s been on me this week.” She gives me a quick smile. “So, should we feel honored that we’re in the inner circle?”
“No. Nothing good is going to come from this, trust me. I’ve known the three of them for way too long. They are using us for something.” I laugh. “How are things with you and Brian? I know he’s got a lot of schools interested in him.” I tread lightly because I know how much I hate talking about colleges, but Blythe is a senior, so she’s leaving, too. Of course, even that thought makes me sad. I can’t believe they are all leaving after this year.
“You okay, Ash?”
I guess I’m not very good at hiding my feelings.
“Not really. I hate that you’re all seniors.”
She studies me for a second before she says anything. “I know leaving sucks, and I know being the one left sucks, too, but you can’t spend the entire year dreading it, or you’ll miss out on the right now and how great being together is.”