I stood there, still processing the kiss that swept me off my feet.
We headed to Pacific Beach then stood under the pier.
“It’s overcast,” I said. “Will you get any good shots?”
“Actually, overcast weather is the best for lighting.”
I never knew that.
She walked further along the sand until she found a seashell along the shore. She stared at it for a long time before she picked it up and moved it a few times. She positioned it on the side then turned it again. When she was finally satisfied, she stood back and held the camera at different angles. I didn’t realize photography took so much time. Then she snapped a few shots.
“Wow. This lens is awesome.”
I was glad she liked it. It certainly wasn’t cheap.
She came to me then showed me the image. The seashell was crystal clear. The colors were breathtaking and I could see every detail.
“Wow…I can even see the grains of sand along the bottom.”
“This will be perfect for my close up shots.” She walked away, finding something else to photograph.
I didn’t care for photography, and watching her snap pictures all afternoon wasn’t my definition of fun, but I was happy just to be with her. The wind blew through her dark brown hair and pulled it back. She wore jean shorts and a white top with a red jacket. Even when she put no effort into her appearance, she looked amazing.
It was the first time I thought a woman was beautiful. Sexy and hot didn’t suit her. She was so much more to that. Her appearance was highlighted by her intelligence and grace. Everything about her fascinated me. Without sex, I was usually bored, but she kept my mind occupied. I enjoyed talking to her, listening to her speak so passionately about her artwork. She was like a friend that I wanted to have as a lover…but both at the same time.
She came back to me, smiling. “Can I take a picture of you?”
I smirked. “Nah. Don’t waste your film.”
“But you’re so beautiful, Ash.”
“Beautiful?” She said that to me once before.
“Fine. Handsome, sexy, smoldering, delicious…whatever you want.”
“None of those fit.”
“Then what do you prefer?”
I rubbed my chin. “Sexy beast.”
She laughed. “Okay. Can I take a picture of you since you’re such a sexy beast?”
“How about I take a picture of you instead?” I snatched the camera then stepped away.
“No! I take horrible pictures.”
I held the camera up and took a few shots of her.
“Ash, knock it off.”
“Dance for me, darling.” I turned the camera and took a few more shots.
She smiled then chased after me.
I got a few of her running after me until I tripped and fell backwards. I held the camera out so I wouldn’t damage it. She tripped at my feet then fell forward. I set the camera down then caught her before she slammed into my chest. Then I lowered her gently.
Her face was closer to mine and her knee was between my legs. The playful mood suddenly evaporated. The tension settled, making us both uncomfortable. I looked into her eyes, seeing the reflection of the shops and buildings behind me. My hand yearned to grip her around the waist and anchor her to me, and my lips were burning for hers. As much as I wanted to make a move, I didn’t. But judging the way she looked at me, she wanted to as well. I hadn’t stopped thinking about our last kiss since it ended.
“You guys are so cute.” An older woman grabbed the camera from the sand. “Would you like a picture?”
I didn’t respond and neither did Alaska. We were both breathing hard, feeling the attraction between us. I wondered if she wanted me as much as I wanted her. Was she just as affected by that kiss as I was? Or was she just drunk and out of her mind? Did I mean anything to her?
The woman snapped a few pictures of us. We didn’t smile or move. We were both too caught off guard. A random lady just barged in our moment and decided to take a picture…it was a little weird.
“Such a beautiful couple.” She set the camera down then joined her husband a few feet away.
Alaska crawled off of me then grabbed her camera. She cleared her throat and averted her gaze. “I think I have enough pictures today.”
“Yeah…”
Side by side, we walked back to my car. She stared at the ocean while we moved across the sand. And I stared at her, wishing I knew what she was thinking.
“You’re in a weird mood.” Livia sat across from me at the table and Scotty sat beside her. They invited me over for dinner, but I quickly realized they just wanted to interrogate me.
“I’m always in a weird mood.” I ate my bread and kept my eyes on my plate.
“So, is Alaska still cooped up in her apartment?” Livia asked sadly. “That poor girl. I thought about stopping by but I don’t want to intrude.”
“She’s better now. We went to the beach the other day and took pictures with her new lens.” I finished the asparagus on my plate. Scotty was a much better cook than my sister. I had to admit it.
“Good,” Scotty said. “She finally came out of her shell.”
“Yeah…” I thought about her drunken night.
Livia stared at me. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“She…had an incident the other night. She picked up a random guy at the bar and took him back to her place.”
“She doesn’t seem like she would do that…” Livia looked concerned.
“She’s not. She was just depressed. I strangled him and threw him down the stairs.”
Scotty eyed me hesitantly. “You’ve become more violent since you met this girl…”
That was the truth.
“What happened?” she asked.
“She…threw herself at me instead.” I remembered the kiss. I wished I could relive it.
“You slept with her?” Livia gripped her knife like she might stab me with it.
“No, of course not.” I eyed the knife just in case she shanked me with it.
Scotty grabbed the knife and put it down. “Let’s not get carried away here…”
She rolled her eyes. “I wasn’t going to stab my brother.”
“And I didn’t think your brother would smash a beer bottle on some guy’s head, but he did.” Scotty scooped the mash potatoes into his mouth.
“We didn’t have sex,” I explained. “But we kissed.”
“How was it?” Scotty winked at me.
“Amazing…” There were no other words to describe it. “It was hard to stop.”
“Maybe you should stop sleeping around then.” Livia gave me a pointed stare.
“I haven’t slept with anyone in almost three months.” I pushed the food around my plate.
Livia dropped her silverware on the table and covered her mouth.
At least she didn’t throw it at me.
“Oh my god…”
She stared at me like I just morphed into a gorilla. “You’re so in love with her, Ash.”
Scotty shook his head. “Don’t even try to deny it this time.”
I took a deep breath then released the air from my lungs. I’d been confused since the moment I met her, and the two months where she hid herself away in her apartment made me more confused. But now I didn’t have any doubt about my feelings. I knew what I felt. It was undeniable and true. I used to be scared of it, trying to pretend it wasn’t real, but it was. “I’m not.”
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Alaska
I stared at the picture I printed out.
Ash was leaning back on his elbows in the sand, and I was leaning over him. A strand of hair was loose from my ear. He stared at my lips while I stared at his eyes. It was one of the best pictures I’d ever seen. It was a candid moment. If I were an unbiased spectator, I would say we were two people in love.
Were we?
I’d known Ash for four months, and in that amount of time he proved he wasn’t exactly what he seemed. While he was blunt and ruthless, he was selfless and caring. He slept with random women and went to medical school just for the cash, but he was always such a wonderful friend to me even when I didn’t deserve it. When I struggled through my break up, he was always there. If he really were a jerk, could he do that? And he didn’t sleep with me. He had the opportunity and he didn’t take it. He said he didn’t want our first time to be that way.