The way his eyes widened, I knew right away that he was a believer. I smiled at him again. "You know something? I'm offended that you only asked him for fifty grand. If he'd paid it and I'd found out about it afterwards, that wouldn't have been nearly enough to protect you from me."
I let him go. "Don't ever forget," I told him, knowing that he wouldn't.
As I left the cottage, Andrea Neiporte was approaching the gate. She was carrying a parcel wrapped in shiny brown paper. Her mouth dropped open as I nodded to her on the way past. "Enjoy those," I said to her, 'while you can still chew."
As I walked into my Dad's house he was waiting for me in the living room. I could hear Mary and Susie, Jonny and Janet, in the kitchen.
"What did you do?" he asked. "You didn't pay him, did you?" He had worked out about the Pampers all right.
"I gave him what he was asking for, Dad, that's all. Now forget it, unless he bothers you again."
He looked at me as if I was someone he didn't know quite so well. "And what will you do if he does?"
I laughed out loud. "What do you think I'll do? I'll have him killed."
Four.
It was all bluff and bluster, of course… at least I assumed my Dad thought it was… but it seemed to work. The threatened call on the following Monday didn't happen, and he and I were able to breathe easier. I didn't forget about the Neiportes, of course; I began to think about what I would do if they did resurface, but mostly it was at the back of my mind.
At the forefront was the world premiere of Skinner s Festival, which Miles had decreed would be in the relatively new multiplex on Picardy Place, in Edinburgh, on a Monday evening a couple of weeks into my gap between filming.
Susie was really pumped up for it; she had never been on my arm at one of these gala events. She was so determined to look good that she put in extra hours in the gym and the pool, just to tone herself up.
There was no way she could hide wee Mac, though. He was the product of my pre-Christmas break and a small but noticeable bump was already in evidence. (Actually, it was too early for a scan that would have told us for sure, not that we really wanted to know, but given that I was younger brother to a sister, we just assumed that he was going to be a boy.) Wee Janet sensed something was up. As soon as she saw us dolled up, she knew for sure, and demanded to be taken with us. In fact she screamed bloody murder. If she had only said, "Pwease, Daddy," I might have relented and taken her with us, but she overdid it and Susie put her foot down. So she was promised another trip to the Magic Kingdom before the year was out… that's what Susie calls being firm… and we headed off for Embru in our new BMW 7 series, with Jay at the wheel.
I was surprised by the size of the crowds outside the cinema, contained behind barriers on either side of the entrance. Miles was there first, waiting in the doorway to welcome us and the other cast members. I'd been in live situations often enough before, in my days as a wrestling announcer, but I was astonished by the cheering, the screaming even, as I stepped out of the car, holding my hand out to help Susie exit gracefully, without showing too much leg… or any knicker, as she put it. "Listen to that," I whispered to myself, as the sound washed over me. There was a time when you walked around this city, and nobody knew you."
Then I looked over my shoulder, saw Liam Matthews emerging from a limo behind us, and my ego was deflated: he's a real babe magnet, is Liam.
Jay came round the car to join us as we stepped on to the red carpet. I had my left arm around Susie's shoulder as I waved to the crowd on the left, then turned to the right where the photographers were banked up.
We paused there for a minute or so; Liam and Erin, his girlfriend, joined us, and we gave the snappers a ground shot, then Susie and I moved off towards Miles and Dawn at the door.
It was pure chance that I saw it when I did, a flash of yellow, out of the corner of my eye. I reacted instinctively, turning Susie away and putting my body between her and whatever it was. I sensed movement behind me as Jay dived to cover us, then I felt the splash of liquid hitting my shoulders and a sticky sensation on the back of my head.
Then Jay had his arms around us both and was rushing us towards the door, past Miles and Dawn, both of them astonished, anger beginning to flare in his eyes.
"What the fuck was that?" I demanded as soon as we were safe inside. I put my hand up to feel the back of my head, but our minder stopped me.
"Don't touch it," he said, 'it's only paint, but you don't want to get it all over you."
"Only!" I barked. Osbert Blackstone is not known for losing his cool, but there are exceptions.
"Try shit," Jay murmured, 'or acid, or phosphorous. I've had all of those chucked at me in the army." I looked away from the door and at him for the first time. At once I saw that he had taken most of it.
The side of his face and the back of his suit were plastered with the thick yellow substance. I looked down at Susie. I was relieved to see that she was untouched, but she was not a happy lady.
"What the hell was that about?" she exploded. "Don't tell me that was yet another of your old girlfriends making a statement."
I shook my head. The only one who might have fallen into that category was Alison Goodchild, but she and I had squared accounts a couple of years back. But old girlfriends' new boyfriends, now that was another matter.
Miles and Dawn appeared by our side, with Liam and Erin. "Are you okay?" asked my ex-brother-in-law, anxiously.
I nodded, beginning to rein in my anger. "Fuck me, man," I exclaimed, 'wouldn't we have had enough coverage, without pulling a stunt like that?"
For half a second his eyes narrowed, then he laughed. "Yeah," he said, in that Aussie-meets-LA drawl of his, 'you're okay. What about you, Susie?"
"I'm fine," she snapped, 'which is more than you'll be able to say for the bastard who threw that stuff when I get hold of him! Have the police caught him?"
It was Liam who answered. "Not a chance. That lot couldn't catch the clap. Whoever did it vanished into the crowd. I spoke to a couple of people behind the barrier, and to a couple of the security guys, but none of them saw anything but yellow paint."
"Bloody hell, Jay," exclaimed a voice from the side. "You look like a no parking zone." For all his levity, Ricky Ross looked anxious. "I'm sorry about that, Mr. Grayson," he said… for an ex-detective superintendent, Ricky's good at being deferential to the clients. He had a right to be sorry, too, as security chief for the event.
Miles shrugged. "Don't worry about it. There's not much you can do about something like that; it's happened before now at my events. Last time it was in Melbourne; a couple of pop stars had their fur coats sprayed with creosote."
"Maybe not," the security consultant muttered, 'but my guys are trained to react a sight faster than they did. We don't even have a description of the assailant. I'll catch up with it, though. The police will inspect all the telly footage and still shots that were taken. With luck, they'll put a face to the paint-chucker and take it from there."
"I want to see it," I said. "When the police look at the tapes and the photos, I want to be there."
Ricky looked at me. If he thought about telling me to forget it, he didn't bother; he knew me better than that. "I'll see what I can do.
They might play ball."
"Of course they will. If it's someone with a grudge against me, I'm liable to know them, am I not?"