Wincing, she nodded and held out her hand.
After easing his mistress off the mare, the man stood back and waited for further direction
Tired though Avelina was, she was too proud to lean on his arm as she longed to do. Instead, she lightly rested a hand against her damp-sided mare while noting with relief that Kenard did not walk away.
“Thank you,” she said to him, her tone tender. Some snickered behind their hands that this servant might serve her too well. Especially of late, she was grateful for his gentle attendance and cared not if others made more of his consideration than they ought.
Although she had always been a strong woman, she had begun to suffer from profound weariness. This exhaustion, she concluded, must be due to the unusually warm summer. That it might have something to do with the behavior of her son, Simon, the young man who now approached, was a thought she firmly set aside.
With the annoyance of a boy interrupted in sport by his mother’s summoning, he kicked at the earth as he walked. Dust swirled in her direction.
She sneezed.
“Are you ill?” Simon’s expression was a mix of youth’s impatience with the ways of parents and a child’s fear that his mother was unwell.
She shook her head to reassure him she was sound enough, then turned to look once more at the priory grounds. Her expression grew contemplative. “When I have settled the matter of your lands and title, God might smile on me if I retired to this place.”
Simon shrugged.
Hot anger at this petulant indifference flashed in her heart like sparks in dry grass, and she gripped her son’s arm with such force he winced. “Ungrateful boy! Care you so little that I have forsaken any comfort for myself and devoted my life to furthering your interests?”
“Unhand me, Mother.” His face reddening with embarrassment, he shook his arm until she released him. “You might as well have accepted another husband when you were still young enough to breed and gained a man’s protection with a softer bed.”
“How dare…”
“Let me finish. I know how hard you have labored on my behalf, and I owe gratitude, but you can never change how my sire died, nor can you erase the memory of his treason to kingship.”
“We have a new king, my son, and I now serve his lady wife. Although she knows of my marriage to your father, she shows no fear when I am about her person. This proves I have reason to hope…”
“Hope is well enough for women. A man should be forceful and carve his own destiny. You would do better to find someone who would loan me money for a horse and armor. Then I might gain a fine reputation by fighting in tournaments abroad. King Edward is more likely to smile on a man who has won honor in combat than on one who waits for a woman to soften a path for him.”
“Do not be so impatient for good fortune. Patience and prudence are not traits only the weak possess. They are also virtues much respected by earthly kings.”
His forehead creased with annoyance.
As Avelina gazed upon her only living child, her look turned gentle. She patted the arm which had just shrugged off her touch. Although her son might not love her, and did resent this journey she insisted he take, she was relieved he could acknowledge how hard she had worked to regain what his father had lost by bad judgement.
This time, Simon tolerated her affectionate gesture. “Men with tonsures or grey beards may agree with you. King Edward is young, a crusader and not a monk. Youth is fleeting,” he replied, his voice dropping to add gravity to his speech. “Coming with you has only delayed me in my quest to prove my sword arm worthy of land and title. You should have left me at court. Alone, I might have gotten the weapons I need to gain the notice of a warrior king.”
His words made her shiver. “While you argue with some merit, my son, your actions contradict those fine words. Had you shown more restraint with your tongue and lusts, I might have left you behind, but you willfully ignored my warnings. Swyving willing servant girls may be one thing. Trying to force a virgin of rank into your bed is quite another.”
He snorted. “So she tells the tale! She was eager enough to seduce me. To my shame, I weakened. Immediately, she pretended to protest. Lustful creature, she knew that resistance would enflame a man’s desire beyond any hope of containment.”
“Her mother said she screamed and tried to flee.”
“You take her word over mine, as all women would.”
Weary with the pointless arguing, Avelina shook her head. “Although I may own that weakness of my sex, know that fathers often believe their daughters too. If nothing else, they may seek revenge when a daughter is cruelly beaten because she tries to protect her chastity.” She squeezed her eyes shut with increasing weariness. “Whether or not you understand the implications of your actions,” she continued with a sigh, “I knew it was best to remove you from court for a while and can only pray the girl’s mother succeeds in hushing the deed by the time we return.”
Simon’s mouth settled into a pout.
Avelina looked away from her son, again savoring the beauty of Tyndal’s grounds and inhaling the soft scent of brightly petalled flowers and ripe fruit. Were she to turn her back on worldly matters and repent her many sins in such a place as this, she might find that peace with which she had rarely been blessed.
Maybe she should permit Simon to go his own way, as he had demanded. Doing so, she might at last cut herself free of that bitterness of heart stemming from the family’s downfall. How easily prestige had been won, she thought, and then how quickly lost. For an instant, she imagined the tranquility of serving God.
Doubt began to nibble at the calm. Were she to take vows and Simon failed in his plans, falling even farther from a king’s grace, could she ignore the cries of the boy whom she bore with both pain and joy? Would she stay on her knees, deaf to her son while she lifted her arms to Heaven? She knew she would cast all hopes of Heaven aside and rush to the boy’s side.
“Mother.”
The young man’s tone was so chill that her heart clenched with jagged pain. Pressing her hand against her breast to subdue the hurt into numbness, Avelina knew she would forgive all his failings if only he loved her again as he had as a bright-eyed babe.
His narrowed eyes were not directed toward her, however. He was glaring at another, and his mouth twisted into a snarl. “Do you know why Baron Otes was included in our party?”
Exhaling in relief that she was not the object of Simon’s disdain, she quickly replied, “I believe he has the king’s favor.”
“What a pity,” the young man muttered. “I hate him.”
Before Avelina could respond to those words, a lay brother appeared to take her mare, another to lead her to the chamber she would occupy for the visit.
In an instant, Kenard was by her side.
Simon walked away.
Saddened that her son never thought to show her a like courtesy, she took the servant’s arm and nodded her appreciation. The fatigue, briefly set aside, now returned, and she realized that every step she made required force of will.
As they turned toward the guest lodgings, Avelina hesitated to gather herself to the task and watched Sir Fulke talking with the tiny woman who held a crosier in her hand.
“How young to be a prioress,” she remarked in a low voice, “and her manner is so grave. One might conclude that God has endowed her with wisdom far beyond her years.”
Kenard followed his mistress’ gaze. He nodded with solemnity.
Close to losing the battle against exhaustion, Avelina closed her eyes. Quickly she opened them as she felt herself falling into sleep.
Kenard gripped her arm.
The lady turned to look for Simon.
He was talking with Father Eliduc.
Perhaps the kind priest could succeed in directing her son onto a wiser path, she thought, something all others had failed to do. The boy had sought the company of Father Eliduc frequently during the journey, although Simon had never expressed more than a perfunctory faith. Just the other night, the priest had suggested to her that this visit to Tyndal might be beneficial to her son’s soul.