“You know what?” she screeched, her nail dug so deep that I wouldn’t have been surprised if she drew out a trickle of blood. “Never mind. There’s no talking to you anyway. You’re selfish. Mom was out of her mind with worry. But you’ve always got to do your own thing and fuck the rest of us. You’ve always been selfish, and you’ll never change.”
I gasped. What had I done to deserve her vitriol? It didn’t make sense.
“That’s enough, Anita,” Harvey growled.
I watched him saunter over to us, his hand quickly bringing hers down. Pushing it away from me as he stepped in between us, shielding me.
“Oh come on, Harvey. Don’t let her pull the wool over your eyes, too. She walked out on her husband’s wake for Christ sake! My mother’s in bits. But Sara would know nothing about her health since she never had to look after her.”
“Anita, this isn’t the time or the place. And if there’s anyone to blame, it’s me. I dragged her out of here away from all you fucking vultures that just want a piece of her.”
“But…” Anita’s words trailed.
I said that’s enough!” Harvey roared.
His voice shook the whole house, startling the remaining guests in the corner. My sister’s mouth parted, ready to begin again.
“Why are you defending her, Harvey?”
“OK, that’s it, I’ve had enough of you. If you can’t empathise with what she’s going through, then get the hell out!” he shouted, his pulse beating at the base of his neck. He took Anita’s arm and dragged her through the hallway.
“Sara can grieve however the fuck she likes,” he declared. “It’s not up to you. Eric was her husband, Anita. Not yours. Just because you fucked around with him before they got together doesn’t give you the right to tell her how to handle this situation. He chose her, not you! And don’t go around blaming Sara for taking a break from this family’s drama. How would you feel if you were in her position?”
“I…” Once again, my sister was left speechless.
He opened the front door. “Leave. Before I say something I will really regret.”
“Fine!” Anita’s green eyes, so similar to mine, narrowed in hatred. She turned and stormed off, her coiffed blonde hair trailing after her.
Jeremy, Anita’s meek husband, collected the kids’ coats and hustled them out the door, doing his best to avoid Harvey’s glare.
Harvey made his way back to the kitchen. My mother, who’d been silent throughout the whole shouting match, started to open her mouth. He gave her a simple look, and her mouth closed. The rest of the guests decided now was the perfect time to leave, too. They drank the dregs of their drinks and left.
“You’re making a nasty habit of coming to my rescue,” I whispered.
He stared at me, the remnants of fury still detectable in his eyes. But the longer he looked at me, the softer they became, his face relaxing. “You need to start standing up for yourself. You can’t let your sister or anyone push you around like that. It pisses me off.”
“I see that.”
“I’m not joking, Sara.”
“I know,” I replied, gulping down another shot of whiskey, a desperate attempt to calm my rattled nerves and the attraction I’d felt spark when he’d defended me.
6
Sara
Autumn slipped into winter, and from the kitchen window, my eyes scanned the bare trees that lined the back of the property. The once lively forest, no longer buzzing with life, was a brutal reflection of my own barren life. As winter broke and the snows started to fall, friends started to distance themselves, and sometimes days would pass before I saw another living person that wasn’t Harvey.
I wrapped my hands around my steaming mug, indulging in its heat. I had the radio on in the background, the constant chatter a small comfort. Otherwise the house was too still, the emptiness only encouraging my overactive imagination.
Once upon a time, Eric and I dreamed of having a family of our own. The loud noises of our children’s giggles and antics would fill each room; loud footsteps would thump against the floor. Now every aspect of that life had vanished into thin air. And a part of me was glad. God only knows how Eric would’ve treated our imaginary kids if they pissed him off.
I also tried to look to my future, but I couldn’t see myself starting again with another man, going down the same path I’d already trodden, even though I longed for a baby. What if he turned out just like Eric? Sweet, loving and caring for the duration of our engagement, but then the mask came off as soon as we were behind closed doors, and I had a ring on my finger. What if it was me that brought the worst out of them? What if I was the common denominator?
I needn’t have worried about it all, anyway. It was too soon, and it wasn’t as if I was a catch or anything, dressed in my flannel PJs, shuffling from room to room like a lost zombie. I knew I needed to brave the outside world once again, but why bother when it was safer to wrap myself up within this house? No one could hurt me here. At least not anymore.
The vibration of the phone startled me. I swung my short legs off the window seat and reached for the device on the table, if only to make the noise stop.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Could I speak with Mrs Chambers, please?” a monotone voice asked on the other end of the line.
“Speaking.”
“Hi, my name is Alice from Bluelife Insurance.”
I closed my eyes and wondered why she was calling. I hoped that finally the life policy that my husband had taken out would be paid up. I knew our savings were dwindling, and it wouldn’t be too long before they ran out. “Oh, hi. I’ve been expecting to receive a payment, but I’ve not received anything yet.”
“I’m afraid there’s been an unexpected development.”
My eyes widened. “What do you mean?” I stammered as I leaned against the wall, my legs threatening to give out. “Is there a problem with the pay-out? I know we were all up to date with the monthly payments.”
“Oh, it’s nothing to do with that.” The lady paused. “I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, but we felt it better that we call to let you know. The report of the investigation into your husband’s passing concludes that the accident was a result of intentional actions.”
“You mean like someone interfered with the car?
“No. The car was found to be in perfectly good working order, and witness statements say that the car just went off the road and—”
“Stop. Just tell me what you’re trying to say. You think Eric killed himself?”
I felt my world shake beneath my feet. My head spun from the woman’s words.
“That’s not possible,” I whispered, thinking back to that morning. His actions were not of a suicidal man, far from it. “Eric didn’t kill himself. It was an accident.”
Alice sighed. “During Mr Chambers’ autopsy, there were trace elements of Zoloft in his system,an anti-depressant. Consequently, the investigators suspect that the incident was deliberate, and therefore the life insurance policy will not be paid out.”
The accident was deliberate.
Eric killed himself.
Those words ran through my mind, clouding every logical thought as I leaned my head back against the wall. It didn’t make any sense. Why would he do it? Had Eric suddenly grown a conscience and regretted taking me against me will all those times? I couldn’t breathe. Breathing seemed to be the hardest thing to do at that moment.
When the lady said her goodbyes and hung up, I slid down to the floor. My chest heaved with short intakes of breath. Beads of cold sweat broke out the side of my forehead.