Her voice wobbled. “If I’d known you were such dick, I would have never agreed to come to work for you, let alone have you in my life!”
I reached out to her, ready to get on my hands and knees and beg her forgiveness, to tell her that she was right, that I was a dick, but that I also needed her. But she pulled her hand back.
“Don’t,” she warned and shook her head. “You know what? Just leave me the fuck alone.”
16
Sara
I was still shaking in anger by the time I reached my makeshift desk. I sat down, my shoulders hunched over, my head in my hands, and I felt the bite of tears. I lifted a hand and wiped my eyes, shaking my head at myself for letting him get under my skin like that. How could I ever have thought he’d changed? Harvey was who he had always been: a selfish prick. How could I even think about being attracted to a guy like that? But he was right—I was still letting Eric hold power over me, simply by hiding what he’d done…
I felt the heavy weight of frustration, anger and sadness merging together in one big emotional lump in my belly. I closed my eyes as I felt a familiar pounding in my head, a sign that a migraine was on its way. Great, just what I need.
Replaying the words I said to him, I cringed. Everything had been said in anger, clouded with jealousy. He would never look at me the way he looked at other women, and I’d foolishly told him to leave me alone. Goddamnit, my head was a mess, I thought. He’d done so much for me and yet I couldn’t see past his flaws. What kind of person am I to do that? How could I ever expect anyone else to look past my mountain of flaws if I couldn’t do the same?
I should be on my feet right now, strolling towards Harvey and begging him to forgive me and accept my apology. He hadn’t really done anything wrong. It was me, my cocktail of emotions burning me up inside, making me say things I shouldn’t. I pulled my head up and listened to the faint approach of footsteps.
“Sara?” a male voice asked.
“I’m sorry,” we both said in unison.
We smiled at each other, and Harvey pulled a chair over to my side.
“Harvey, I…” I trailed, unsure of what to say. I didn’t know how to express everything I was thinking and still manage to hold back the one thing in the entire world I wanted to say to him…
I tried again. I opened my mouth and waited for the words to come out. Harvey sat before me and said nothing, studying me with quiet contemplation, as if he was determined not to speak until I did, allowing me the time to say what I wanted.
Looking up at him, I knew that I didn’t deserve him. Not one bit. I’d been totally unfair to him, no, worse than that. He’d been by my side this whole time, starting from the beginning, when I found out about Eric’s death. He was the one who took me home, fed me, checked up on me, making sure I was still alive and refusing to give up on me in my sorry state. God, he even had the sense and heart to bring some light into my life in the form of an adoring little kitten. I hadn’t realised how ready I was to give up until Harvey handed me something to live for.
Harvey was the one who gave me a silver lining. He had been the one who gave me another opportunity, making me feel like I was worth something, making me see that I could stand up for myself. I would be forever indebted to him. And I didn’t know whether I should laugh or cry for finding a great man who was brave and strong enough to put his trust, hope and confidence in me.
I looked him in the eyes, ready to let it all go. I took a long breath.
I would trust him.
“He raped me… my own husband raped me,” I said, gasping out the last few words as Harvey instantly pulled me to him. Holding me as I let it all out, let the poison run freely from my pores.
His arms were tight around me, solid and safe. I breathed in his strong musky cologne that blended with his own natural, sweet scent.
“Shh,” Harvey soothed as my chest racked with sobs. He lowered his head and pressed a chaste kiss on top of mine. “You’re OK, let it out… I’ve got you. I’m not going to let you go. And no one will ever hurt you ever again, I promise.”
After a while, feeling cleansed, my eyes puffier but brighter, we pulled apart and sat in the quietness of the office. I was grateful that Sadie had somehow known to stay away. This morning was embarrassing enough, never mind having her see me cry at work, as well.
“Thank you for telling me,” Harvey said, as he held my hands. “Thank you for trusting me.”
I nodded. “I should’ve told you sooner, or least told somebody. But I’m glad it was you.” I went over every detail of my living nightmare with Eric, explaining each part to Harvey as he listening quietly, holding me gently when I needed it and letting me go when I felt the urge to scream and rage and storm about the room.
His hand skirted along my cheek, awakening certain feelings that I tried to bury, but it was useless ignoring them. They were there as clear as day, and there was no getting rid of them. I tilted my head and nuzzled it into his palm, allowing myself to enjoy this little moment for a while longer. The calm after the storm.
“Do you still want to work for me?” Harvey asked softly, changing the subject, knowing I needed a break from the dark topic; he dropped his hand into his lap.
It wasn’t what I’d expected him to say, but thinking on it then, I knew I didn’t want to be very far away from him.
“What about Sadie? Won’t she mind?” I asked.
“I had a talk with her earlier, and she’s actually really excited to have you as her assistant. So, if you were worried about me being your boss, well, I won’t be. At least not directly. Plus, I wouldn’t mind having two beautiful women working beneath me.” I suppressed a giggle as he winked at me. “Sadie will be in charge of your workday, but she’ll still have you doing stuff, like errands, for me. It would make my life so much easier having the both of you. She’ll take care of the business side predominantly, and I’m sure she’ll get you to do things like booking my personal meetings, my mani-pedis, hair appointments…”
I didn’t know whether he was teasing me with the seriousness of his voice. I pressed my lips into a thin line, but the giggle slipped out, unintentionally, as my small frame rocked with fitful laughter.
“What?” He frowned, the puzzlement on his face making me roar even more.
“Did you just say what I think you just said?” I asked. I took his hand and inspected his nails more closely.
He yanked his hand back and with a mock gasp replied, “Are you being sexist, Sara Chambers? Am I not allowed to keep my nails trim and tidy?”
I shook my head and smiled, letting my hair spill freely across my face. I was about to get control over the tendrils when he reached up and pushed then back himself, tucking the strands neatly behind my ears. My cheeks burned hot, but I no longer cared.
“Haven’t you two gone home yet?” Sadie asked as she pushed through the glass doors.
“Why what time is it?” Harvey answered.
“Late,” she replied abruptly.
“You still mad at me?” he joked. “If Sara can forgive me, so you can you.”
She turned to me and rolled her eyes. “You let him off the hook? We could’ve dragged this out for weeks, guilted him into anything… I’ve got a lot to teach you.”
I laughed, beginning to believe that maybe I would enjoy working there after all.
“All right then. You ready to head out?”
“To where?” I asked, confused.