There is no one with such great sensitivity. No one with such fluctuations of consciousness. No one so easily irritated and so ready to be hurt, I tell Scherrer, says Oehler. The truth is Karrer felt he was constantly being watched, and he always reacted as if he felt he was constantly being watched, and for this reason he never had a single moment’s peace. This constant restlessness is also what distinguishes him from everyone else, if constant restlessness can distinguish a person, I tell Scherrer, Oehler says. And to be with a constantly restless person who imagines that he is restless even when he is in reality not restless is the most difficult thing, I tell Scherrer, says Oehler. Even when nothing suggested one or more causes of restlessness, when nothing suggested the least restlessness, Karrer was restless because he had the feeling (the sense) that he was restless, because he had reason to, as he thought. The theory according to which a person is everything he imagines himself to be could be studied in Karrer, the way he always imagined, and he probably imagined this all his life, that he was critically ill without knowing what the illness was that made him critically ill, and probably because of this, and certainly according to the theory, I tell Scherrer, says Oehler, he really was critically ill. When we imagine ourselves to be in a state of mind, no matter what, we are in that state of mind, and thus in that state of illness which we imagine ourselves to be in, in every state that we imagine ourselves in. And we do not allow ourselves to be disturbed in what we imagine, I tell Scherrer, and thus we do not allow what we have imagined to be negated by anything, especially by anything external. What incredible self-confidence, on the one hand, and what incredible weakness of character and helplessness, on the other, psychiatric doctors show, I think, while I am sitting opposite Scherrer and making these statements about Karrer and, in particular, about Karrer’s behavior in Rustenschacher’s store, says Oehler. After a short time I ask myself why I am sitting opposite Scherrer and making these statements and giving this information about Karrer. But I do not spend long thinking about this question, so as not to give Scherrer an opportunity of starting to have thoughts about my unusual behavior towards him, because I had declared myself ready to tell him as much as possible about Karrer that afternoon. I now think it would have been better to get up and leave, without bothering about what Scherrer is thinking, if I were to leave in spite of my assurance that I would talk about Karrer for an hour or two I thought, Oehler says. If only I could go outside, I said to myself while I was sitting opposite Scherrer, out of this terrible whitewashed and barred room, and go away. Go away as far as possible. But, like everyone who sits facing a psychiatric doctor, I had only the one thought, that of not arousing any sort of suspicion in the person sitting opposite me about my own mental condition and that means about my soundness of mind. I thought that basically I was acting against Karrer by going to Scherrer, says Oehler. My conscience was suddenly not clear, do you know what it means to have a sudden feeling that your conscience is not clear with respect to a friend? and it makes things all the worse if your friend is in Karrer’s position, I thought. To speak merely of a bad conscience would be to water the feeling down quite inadmissibly, says Oehler, I was ashamed. For there was no doubt in my mind that Scherrer was an enemy of Karrer’s, but I only became aware of this after a long time, after long observation of Scherrer — whom I have known for years, ever since Karrer was first in Steinhof — and it was only because we were acquainted that I agreed to pay a call on him, but he was not so well known to me that I could say this is someone I know, in that case I would not have accepted Scherrer’s invitation to go to Steinhof and make a statement about Karrer. I thought several times about getting up and leaving, says Oehler, but then I stopped thinking that way, I said to myself it doesn’t matter. Scherrer makes me uneasy because he is so superficial. If I had originally imagined that I was going to visit a scientific man, in the shape of a scientific doctor, I soon recognized that I was sitting across from a charlatan. Too often we recognize too late that we should not have become involved in something that unexpectedly debases us. On the other hand, I had to assume that Scherrer is performing a useful function for Karrer, says Oehler, but I saw more and more that Scherrer, although he is described as the opposite and although he himself believes in this opposite, is indeed convinced by it, is an enemy of Karrer’s, a doctor in a white coat playing the role of a benefactor. To Scherrer, Karrer is nothing more than an object that he misuses. Nothing more than a victim. Nauseated by Scherrer, I tell him that Karrer says that there really are trousers and trouser materials that can be held up to the light, but these, says Karrer and bursts out into a laughter that is quite uncharacteristic of Karrer, because it is characteristic of Karrer’s madness, you don’t need to hold these trousers up to the light, Karrer says, banging on the counter with his walking stick at the same time, to see that we are dealing with Czechoslovakian rejects. Now for the first time I noticed quite clear signs of madness, I tell Scherrer, whereupon, as I can see, Scherrer immediately makes a note, says Oehler, because I am watching all that Scherrer is noting down, says Oehler, Oehler (in other words, I) is saying at this moment: for the first time quite clear signs of madness; I observe not only how Scherrer reacts, I also observe what Scherrer makes notes of and how Scherrer makes notes. I am not surprised, says Oehler, that Scherrer underlines my comment for the first time signs of madness. It is merely proof of his incompetence, says Oehler. It occurred to me that Rustenschacher was still labeling trousers in the back, I told Scherrer, and I thought it’s incomprehensible, and thus uncanny, that Rustenschacher should be labeling so many pairs of trousers. Possibly it was a sudden, unbelievable increase in Karrer’s state of excitement that prompted Rustenschacher’s incessant labeling of trousers, for Rustenschacher’s incessant labeling of trousers was gradually irritating even me. I thought that Rustenschacher really never sells as many pairs of trousers as he labels, I suddenly tell Scherrer, but he probably also supplies other smaller businesses in the outlying districts, in the twenty-first, twenty-second, and twenty-third districts, in which you can also buy Rustenschacher’s trousers and thus Rustenschacher also plays the role of a trousers wholesaler for a number of such textile firms in outlying districts. Now, Karrer says, in the case of this pair of trousers that you are now holding right in front of my face instead of holding them up to the light, Oehler tells Scherrer, it is clearly a case of Czechoslovakian rejects. It was simply because Karrer did not insult Rustenschacher’s nephew to his face with this new objection to Rustenschacher’s trousers, Oehler told Scherrer. Karrer had at first prolonged his visit to Rustenschacher’s store because of the pains in his leg, I told Scherrer, says Oehler. Apparently we had walked too far before we entered Rustenschacher’s store, and not only too far but also too quickly while at the same time carrying on a most exhausting conversation about Wittgenstein, I tell Scherrer, says Oehler, I mention the name on purpose, because I knew that Scherrer had never heard the name before, and this was confirmed at once, in the very moment that I said the name Wittgenstein, says Oehler, however, at that point Karrer had probably not been thinking about his painful legs for a long time, but simply for the reason that I could not leave him I was unable to leave Rustenschacher’s store. This is something we often observe in ourselves when we are in a room (any room you care to mention): we seem chained to the room (any room you care to mention) and have to stay there, because we cannot leave it when we are upset. Karrer probably wanted to leave Rustenschacher’s store, I tell Scherrer, says Oehler, but Karrer no longer had the strength to do so. And I myself was no longer capable of taking Karrer out of Rustenschacher’s store at the crucial moment. After Rustenschacher had repeated, as his nephew had before him, that the trouser materials with which we were dealing were excellent, he did not, like his nephew before him, say most excellent, just excellent, materials and that it was senseless to maintain that we were dealing with rejects or even with Czechoslovakian rejects, Karrer once again says that in the case of these trousers they were apparently dealing with Czechoslovakian rejects, and he made as if to take a deep breath, as it seemed unsuccessfully, whereupon he wanted to say something else, I tell Scherrer, says Oehler, but he, Karrer, was out of breath and was unable, because he was out of breath, to say what he apparently wanted to say. These thin spots. These thin spots. These thin spots. These thin spots. These thin spots over and over again. These thin spots. These thin spots. These thin spots, incessantly. These thin spots. These thin spots. These thin spots. Rustenschacher had immediately grasped what was happening and, on my orders, Rustenschacher’s nephew had already ordered everything to be done that had to be done, Oehler tells Scherrer.