Hypocrisy
Another unthinking 'default mode'. One of the stereotypes I tried to 'get inside'. The English are rightly renowned for their hypocrisy. This is an omnipresent trait, insidiously infecting almost all of our behaviour - and even the 'ideals' we most prize, such as modesty, courtesy and fair play. But under the special microscope I used for this project, English hypocrisy emerged as somewhat less odious than it might appear to the naked eye. It depends on how you look at it. You could say that most of our politeness/modesty/fairness is hypocritical, but also that most of our hypocrisy is a form of politeness - concealment of real opinions and feelings to avoid causing offence or embarrassment. English hypocrisy seems to be mainly a matter of unconscious, collective self-deception - collusion in an unspoken agreement to delude ourselves - rather than a deliberate, cynical, calculated attempt to deceive others. (Our 'polite egalitarianism' is perhaps the best example - an elaborate charade of courteous modesty and fairness, a severe case of what a psychotherapist would call 'denial' of our acute class-consciousness.) Hypocrisy comes easily to us not because we are by nature vile and perfidious (or no more so than any other culture) but because our social dis-ease makes us naturally cautious, oblique, indirect, disinclined to say what we mean or mean what we say, prone to polite pretence rather than honest assertiveness. Our hypocrisies also reveal our values. We are no more naturally modest, courteous or fair than any other culture, but we have more unwritten rules prescribing the appearance of these qualities, which are clearly very important to us. Key phrases: too numerous to list - English conversation is littered with polite euphemisms and other disguises, deceptions and denials - on average, at least every other 'please', 'thank-you', 'sorry', 'nice', 'lovely' (plus smiles, nods, etc.) is hypocritical.
Outlooks
Our worldview. Our way of looking at, thinking about, structuring and understanding things. Our sociocultural 'cosmology'.
Empiricism
The most fundamental of this 'outlook' cluster. Empiricism is another shorthand term into which I am packing a large collection of English attitudes. Strictly speaking, empiricism is a philosophical doctrine holding that all knowledge is derived from sense-experience - and its close relation 'realism' should technically only be used to mean the tenet that matter exists independently of our perception of it. But I am using these terms in a much broader, more informal sense, to include both the anti-theory, anti-abstraction, anti-dogma elements of our philosophical tradition (particularly our mistrust of obscurantist, airy-fairy 'Continental' theorizing and rhetoric) and our stolid, stubborn preference for the factual, concrete and common-sense. 'Empiricism' is shorthand for our down-to-earthness; our matter-of-factness; our pragmatism; our cynical, no-nonsense groundedness; our gritty realism; our distaste for artifice and pretension (yes, I realize that last bit rather contradicts what I said about our hypocrisy, polite euphemisms, etc., but I never claimed that we were consistent). Key phrases include: 'Oh, come off it!' (overlap with Humour - English humour is very empiricist); 'At the end of the day'; 'As a matter of fact'; 'In plain English'; 'I'll believe it when I see it'; 'Typical!' (overlap with Eeyorishness, also very empiricist).
Eeyorishness
More than just our incessant moaning. Quite apart from the sheer quantity of it, which is staggering, there is something qualitatively distinctive about English moaning. It is utterly ineffectuaclass="underline" we never complain to or confront the source of our discontent, but only whinge endlessly to each other, and proposing practical solutions is forbidden by the moaning rules. But it is socially therapeutic - highly effective as a facilitator of social interaction and bonding. Moaning is also highly enjoyable (there is nothing the English love so much as a good moan - it really is a pleasure to watch) and an opportunity for displays of wit. Almost all 'social' moaning is humorous mock-moaning. Real, tearful despair is not allowed, except among intimates. Even if you are feeling truly desperate, you must pretend to be only pretending to feel desperate (the unbearable lightness of being English). By 'Eeyorishness' I mean the mindset/outlook exemplified by our national catchphrase 'Typical!': our chronic pessimism, our assumption that it is in the nature of things to go wrong and be disappointing, but also our perverse satisfaction at seeing our gloomy predictions fulfilled - simultaneously peeved, stoically resigned and smugly omniscient. Our special brand of fatalism - a sort of curiously sunny pessimism. Key phrases include: 'Huh! Typical!'; 'The country's going to the dogs'; 'What did you expect?'; 'I could have told you'; 'There's always something'; 'Mustn't grumble'; 'Better make the best of it'; 'Never mind'; 'Blessed are they who expect nothing, for they shall not be disappointed'.
Class-consciousness
All human societies have a social hierarchy and methods of indicating social status. What is distinctive about the English class system is (a) the degree to which our class (and/or class-anxiety) determines our taste, behaviour, judgements and interactions; (b) the fact that class is not judged at all on wealth, and very little on occupation, but purely on non-economic indicators such as speech, manner, taste and lifestyle choices; (c) the acute sensitivity of our on-board class-radar systems; and (d) our denial of all this and coy squeamishness about class: the hidden, indirect, unspoken, hypocritical/self-delusional nature of English class-consciousness (particularly among the middle classes). Our 'polite egalitarianism'. The vestigial prejudice against 'trade'. The minutiae and sheer mind-boggling silliness of our class indicators and class anxieties. Our sense of humour about all this. Key phrases include: 'It is impossible for an Englishman to open his mouth without making some other Englishman hate him or despise him'; 'That sort of background'; 'Don't say "serviette", dear: we call it a napkin'; 'Mondeo Man'; 'A bit naff/common/nouveau/flashy/vulgar/unsmart/uncouth/Sharon-and-Tracey/suburban-semi/petit-ourgeois/mock-Tudor...'; 'Stuck-up posh tart (hooray/upper-class twit/old-school-tie/snob/publicschool yah-yah/green-wellie/Camilla...) thinks s/he's better than us'; 'What do you expect from a jumped-up grocer's daughter?'; 'That nice little man from the shop'.
Values
Our ideals. Our fundamental guiding principles. The moral standards to which we aspire, even if we do not always live up to them.
Fair play
A national quasi-religious obsession. Breaches of the fair-play principle provoke more righteous indignation than any other sin. English 'fair play' is not a rigidly or unrealistically egalitarian concept - we accept that there will be winners and losers, but feel that everyone should be given a fair chance, providing they observe the rules and don't cheat or shirk their responsibilities. Fair play is an underlying theme in most aspects of our unwritten etiquette, not just the games and sports with which it is most famously associated: queuing is all about fair play; round-buying, table manners, 'orderly disorder', driving etiquette, flirting codes, business etiquette, polite egalitarianism, etc. are all influenced by this principle. (Polite egalitarianism is hypocritical, concerned with the appearance of fairness, the concealment of embarrassing inequalities and inequities - but at least we care enough about these things to be embarrassed.) Our penchant for compromise, our constant balancing and weighing up of 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand' - often seen as woolliness, perhaps more kindly as tolerance - are a product of fair play + moderation. Our tendency to support the underdog - and to be wary of too much success - is also about fair play. Our acute sense of fairness is often mistaken for other things - including both socialism and conservatism, and even Christianity. Much of English morality is essentially about fair play. Key phrases include: 'Well, to be fair...'; 'In all fairness...'; 'Given a fair chance'; 'Come on, it's only fair'; 'Fair's fair'; 'Fair enough'; 'Firm but fair'; 'Fair and square'; 'Wait your turn'; 'Take turns'; 'Be fair'; 'Fair cop'; 'That's not cricket/not on/out of order!'; 'Level playing-field'; 'Don't be greedy'; 'Live and let live'; 'On the other hand'; 'There's always two sides'; 'On balance'; 'Let's just agree to disagree, shall we?'