5:13 PM Branch continues, “Let’s say I’m in the mood for some popcorn. I say, ‘Samantha!’ ” The robot lights up. “We named her Samantha after the character on Bewitched.” Laughter. “Samantha, please bring me some popcorn.” You have to see this guy Branch. He’s very sweet and unassuming — wearing jeans, T-shirt, and no shoes. He looks like he just rolled out of bed.
5:14 PM Samantha glides to the microwave, opens the door, and removes a bag of popcorn. Branch: “We had to pre-pop that, like one of the cooking shows.” The robot rolls to Branch and hands him a bag of popcorn. Applause. Branch: “Thank you, Samantha.” Robot replies, “You’re welcome.” Laughter. Branch: “It’s cute, basic, voice-activated technology.”
5:17 PM A voice from the front row says, “Can I have some of that?” It’s David Pogue. Branch: “Okay, ask her.” Pogue: “Samantha, bring me some popcorn.” The robot doesn’t move. Branch: “Say please.” Pogue: “Come on!” Laughter. Branch: “I’m serious. My daughter was eight when I was working on Samantha and she accused me of being a bully. So I programmed it in. Please. It’s literally the magic word.” Pogue: “Samantha, bring me some popcorn… please?” Hilarity ensuing! The robot rolls to the edge of the stage and reaches out, but drops the bag of popcorn before Pogue can grab it. It spills all over the stage.
5:19 PM Branch: “It’s Microsoft. We had some bugs.” A thunderclap of laughter from the audience. Branch looks offended. “It wasn’t that funny.”
5:21 PM Branch: “We taught Samantha five hundred commands. We could have taught her five hundred more, but what kept holding us back was her thousands of moving parts. She lacked marketplace agility and was too expensive to scale up. Eventually, the Samantha project was canceled.” Everyone in the audience goes awww. Branch: “What are you people? A bunch of geeks?” Instant TED classic!
5:23 PM A guy meanders onto the stage carrying a new clicker. Halfway across, he stops and hitches up his pants. Branch: “Take your time.” Huge laughter.
5:24 PM Branch: “So Samantha was canceled. But then I remembered those monkeys at Duke. And I thought, Hmmm, the complicating factor in creating a personal robot is the robot itself. Maybe we could just lose the robot.”
5:25 PM Branch’s clicker finally works, so he starts the slideshow. First image is monkeys with wires coming out of their heads. Audience gasps, some scream. Branch: “Sorry, sorry!” Branch turns off slideshow.
5:26 PM Branch: “According to Moore’s law, the number of transistors that can be placed on an integrated surface doubles every two years. So in twenty years’ time, what once was that horrible image… became this…” He clicks through to a slide showing a person’s shaved head with what looks like a computer chip under the skin.
5:26 PM Branch: “Which became this…” He holds up a football helmet with a Seahawks sticker on it. On the inside are electrodes with wires coming out. “You could just put it on and nothing had to be wired into your brain.”
5:27 PM Branch puts down the helmet and reaches into his pocket. “Which became this.” He holds up something that looks like a Band-Aid. “TEDsters, meet Samantha 2.”
5:27 PM Branch sticks the Band-Aid on his forehead, just under his hairline. He sits down in the La-Z-Boy. Branch: “I’m going to throw in something real-time for the skeptics.” He pulls the lever and the chair reclines.
5:29 PM Weird sound. A vacuum has started up! It’s moving on its own, coming over and vacuuming up popcorn. Branch is lying down with his eyes open, concentrating on the popcorn. Vacuum turns off. Branch turns to face the TV.
5:31 PM TV turns on by itself. Channels changing. It stops at a Lakers game.
5:31 PM Big screen changes to Outlook. A blank email opens. The cursor goes to the TO: field. It’s writing on its own! BERNADETTE. The cursor jumps to the message field: TED TALK WENT WELL. CLICKER DIDN’T WORK. TOO BAD NOBODY HERE KNOWS POWERPOINT. DAVID POGUE IS KIND OF UNCOORDINATED. P.S.: LAKERS LEADING BY 3 AT THE HALF.
The place is on its feet. What can best be described as a roar is coming from the audience. Branch gets up and pulls the “Band-Aid” off his forehead and holds it up.
5:32 PM Branch: “In March, we ship Samantha 2 to Walter Reed hospital. Go to the Microsoft website today and watch a video of paralyzed veterans using Samantha 2 to cook for themselves in a smart kitchen, watch TV, work on a computer, even care for a pet. At Samantha 2, our goal is to help our wounded veterans live independent and productive lives. The possibilities are endless. Thank you.”
The audience goes ape-shit. Chris has taken the stage and is hugging Branch. Nobody can believe what they just saw.
Voilà. There it is, Samantha 2.
From: Audrey Griffin
To: Soo-Lin Lee-Segal
I’ve had enough of you. Do you understand? Enough!
From Dr. Janelle Kurtz
Dear Mr. Branch,
I have received your inquiry regarding your wife. Perhaps I have misread your intent, but what you genially refer to as “supervised R&R,” which you fear Bernadette won’t “be too keen on,” is, in practicality, asking that she be detained against her will at Madrona Hill.
The procedure for such extreme action is detailed in the Involuntary Treatment Act, Title 71, Chapter 5, Section 150, of the Revised Code of Washington. Per the ITA, in order for a County Designated Mental Health Professional to place an individual on an involuntary hold, the CDMHP must thoroughly evaluate the person and determine if they are an imminent danger to themselves, others, or property, due to a psychiatric illness.
If you believe your wife poses such a threat, you must immediately call 911 and have her taken to an emergency room. There she will be assessed. If it is determined that Bernadette does present such a threat, she will be asked to voluntarily seek appropriate treatment. If your wife refuses, her civil liberties will be suspended and she will be transferred to a state-licensed psychiatric hospital and put on an ITA hold for up to seventy-two hours. From that point, it’s up to the courts.
Madrona Hill, on Orcas Island, is unique in that along with our renowned inpatient and residential treatment, we operate the only private psych ER in the state. Therefore, I witness the devastating effects of involuntary commitment every day. Families are ripped apart. Police, lawyers, and judges get involved. It goes on public record, for all future employers and financial institutions to see. Because it is so costly in terms of blood, treasure, and emotion, involuntary commitment should be considered only after every other option has been exhausted.
As you describe it, your wife’s behavior is cause for concern. I was surprised to learn that she isn’t in therapy. That seems like a logical first step. I’d be happy to suggest some wonderful psychiatrists in your area who could meet Bernadette and ask the proper questions so she can receive appropriate treatment. Don’t hesitate to call if this is a path you choose to pursue.
Sincerely,
Dr. Janelle Kurtz
IM exchange between Dad and Soo-Lin during a staff meeting
SOO-LINL-S: Everything OK? You seem distracted.
ELGINB: Starting to question my sanity. Home stuff.