That art a votary to fond desire?
Once more adieu. My father at the road
Expects my coming, there to see me shipped.
PROTEUS
And thither will I bring thee, Valentine.
VALENTINE
Sweet Proteus, no. Now let us take our leave.
To Milan let me hear from thee by letters
Of thy success in love, and what news else
Betideth here in absence of thy friend;
And I likewise will visit thee with mine.
PROTEUS
All happiness bechance to thee in Milan.
VALENTINE
As much to you at home; and so farewell. Exit
PROTEUS
He after honour hunts, I after love.
He leaves his friends to dignify them more,
I leave myself, my friends, and all, for love.
Thou, Julia, thou hast metamorphosed me,
Made me neglect my studies, lose my time,
War with good counsel, set the world at naught;
Made wit with musing weak, heart sick with thought.
Enter Speed
SPEED
Sir Proteus, save you. Saw you my master?
PROTEUS
But now he parted hence to embark for Milan.
SPEED
Twenty to one, then, he is shipped already,
And I have played the sheep in losing him.
PROTEUS
Indeed, a sheep doth very often stray,
An if the shepherd be a while away.
SPEED
You conclude that my master is a shepherd, then,
and I a sheep?
PROTEUS I do.
SPEED
Why then, my horns are his horns, whether I wake or sleep.
PROTEUS A silly answer, and fitting well a sheep.
SPEED This proves me still a sheep.
PROTEUS True, and thy master a shepherd.
SPEED Nay, that I can deny by a circumstance.
PROTEUS It shall go hard but I’ll prove it by another.
SPEED The shepherd seeks the sheep, and not the sheep the shepherd. But I seek my master, and my master seeks not me. Therefore I am no sheep.
PROTEUS The sheep for fodder follow the shepherd, the shepherd for food follows not the sheep. Thou for wages followest thy master, thy master for wages follows not thee. Therefore thou art a sheep.
SPEED Such another proof will make me cry ‘baa’.
PROTEUS But dost thou hear: gav’st thou my letter to Julia?
SPEED Ay, sir. I, a lost mutton, gave your letter to her, a laced mutton, and she, a laced mutton, gave me, a lost mutton, nothing for my labour.
PROTEUS Here’s too small a pasture for such store of muttons.
SPEED If the ground be overcharged, you were best stick her.
PROTEUS Nay, in that you are astray. ‘Twere best pound you.
SPEED Nay sir, less than a pound shall serve me for carrying your letter.
PROTEUS You mistake. I mean the pound, a pinfold.
SPEED From a pound to a pin? Fold it over and over ‘Tis threefold too little for carrying a letter to your lover.
PROTEUS But what said she?
SPEED (nods, then says) Ay.
PROTEUS Nod-ay? Why, that’s ‘noddy’.
SPEED You mistook, sir. I say she did nod, and you ask me if she did nod, and I say ‘Ay’.
PROTEUS And that set together is ‘noddy’.
SPEED Now you have taken the pains to set it together, take it for your pains.
PROTEUS No, no. You shall have it for bearing the letter.
SPEED Well, I perceive I must be fain to bear with you.
PROTEUS Why, sir, how do you bear with me?
SPEED Marry, sir, the letter very orderly, having nothing but the word ‘noddy’ for my pains.
PROTEUS Beshrew me but you have a quick wit.
SPEED And yet it cannot overtake your slow purse.
PROTEUS Come, come, open the matter in brief. What said she?
SPEED Open your purse, that the money and the matter may be both at once delivered.
PROTEUS (giving money) Well, sir, here is for your pains. What said she?
SPEED Truly, sir, I think you’ll hardly win her.
PROTEUS Why? Couldst thou perceive so much from her?
SPEED Sir, I could perceive nothing at all from her, no, not so much as a ducat for delivering your letter. And being so hard to me, that brought your mind, I fear she’ll prove as hard to you in telling your mind. Give her no token but stones, for she’s as hard as steel.
PROTEUS What said she? Nothing?
SPEED No, not so much as ‘Take this for thy pains’. To testify your bounty, I thank you, you have testerned me; in requital whereof, henceforth carry your letters yourself. And so, sir, I’ll commend you to my master.
⌈Exit⌉
PROTEUS
Go, go, be gone, to save your ship from wreck,
Which cannot perish having thee aboard,
Being destined to a drier death on shore.
I must go send some better messenger.
I fear my Julia would not deign my lines,
Receiving them from such a worthless post. Exit
1.2 Enter Julia and Lucetta
JULIA
But say, Lucetta, now we are alone—
Wouldst thou then counsel me to fall in love?
LUCETTA
Ay, madam, so you stumble not unheedfully.
JULIA
Of all the fair resort of gentlemen
That every day with parle encounter me,
In thy opinion which is worthiest love?
LUCETTA
Please you repeat their names, I’ll show my mind
According to my shallow simple skill.
JULIA
What think’st thou of the fair Sir Eglamour?
LUCETTA
As of a knight well spoken, neat, and fine,
But were I you, he never should be mine.
JULIA
What think’st thou of the rich Mercatio?
LUCETTA
Well of his wealth, but of himself, so-so.
JULIA
What think’st thou of the gentle Proteus?
LUCETTA
Lord, lord, to see what folly reigns in us!
JULIA
How now? What means this passion at his name?
LUCETTA
Pardon, dear madam, ‘tis a passing shame
That I, unworthy body as I am,
Should censure thus on lovely gentlemen.
JULIA
Why not on Proteus, as of all the rest?
LUCETTA
Then thus: of many good, I think him best.
JULIA
Your reason?
LUCETTA
I have no other but a woman’s reason:
I think him so because I think him so.
JULIA
And wouldst thou have me cast my love on him?
LUCETTA
Ay, if you thought your love not cast away.
JULIA
Why, he of all the rest hath never moved me.
LUCETTA
Yet he of all the rest I think best loves ye.
JULIA
His little speaking shows his love but small.
LUCETTA
Fire that’s closest kept burns most of all.