Made it hard to swallow the milk. She did, then she opened the card and paused, then started reading the many handwritten messages inside.
She remembered going to that office, enjoying a rare bit of laughter in that time when Kerry had to convince the building to let her in. Her face tensed into a smile as she remembered, too, going into the control center, and having all those people there look up at her like she was some kind of celebrity.
There were messages there from the Pentagon staff too. Dar's fingertip traced the one from Danny, who'd gotten his arm bone cracked in the attack and she remembered the handful of people they'd lost in it, people she hadn't really known, but whose names had traced up to hers in the organizational chart.
There was a note from Nan.
Dar slowly sipped her milk and continued reading, a wistful smile appearing on her face. When she'd run through the notes twice, she got up and went to the small desk, sitting down at it and reaching for her laptop, then she paused, and took a piece of the hotel stationary out instead.
She took out a pen from her backpack and propped her head up on one hand, thinking briefly and then starting to write.
Hello people.
Big surprise to get to my hotel and find a card from you all waiting. I appreciate all the time you took to put down a few words so I thought I would take some of my own time and send a note back to you.
Dar paused and considered. Then she smiled a little and put her head back down on her hand
I know we only met a few times, in a bad situation. But sometimes, bad situations bring out the best in people, and from what I saw here, and across ILS, the best of ILS was truly extraordinary and you all were definitely a bright spot on a dark day.
A lot of you wrote, that you were honored to work for me. That's hugely flattering, but to be honest with you, it was always my view that I worked for all of you rather than the other way around. That'll surprise people to hear but if you think about it, I expected 110 percent from people because it's what I gave.
A part of me will always live at ILS. There are things that are written into the DNA of the place that came from my blood and sweat, and those of you in Netops are going to run into crap with my initials on it for a long, long time. Likewise, a little bit of my head and heart will always be wondering how it's going, and how everyone is.
She had to stop, and sit back, surprised to find herself in tears. It was a little overwhelming, and uncomfortable and she waited it out, until her chest relaxed and her throat eased.
“Wow. Where did that come from?” She slowly finished her milk, feeling embarrassed. “Am I really that sentimental?”
Dar didn't think she had a reputation for soft heartedness, especially among these people. She looked down at the letter again, half minding to throw it away.
Then she sighed, and put the empty chug down, and picked up her pen again, wiping the moisture from her eyes and continuing to write.
At any rate, I hope you all go on being successful at what you do, and take the company to new places. Maybe we'll meet sometime down the road – thanks again for the note, and good luck to all of you.
She paused again, then she smiled, and signed her name, getting up and grabbing an envelope, and the FedEx pack that had the Herndon office's address and headed for the door.
“No!”
Kerry jerked awake with a yell, sitting up and groping out with her hands to fend off the remnants of a nightmare that had her heart pounding so fast she couldn't count the beats.
“No.” She uttered, covering her eyes with one hand, her entire body shaking. “Just a dream. Jesus.”
After a moment she caught her breath, and then she felt for the table light and turned it on, just as Chino started anxiously licking her ear.
“Ahh!” Kerry stifled a yelp until she realized what it was, then she was shoved backwards by her upset pet, and Mocha climbing up into her lap. “Stop! Stop it!” She yelled, sharply. “Hey!”
Chino's ears went back as she stared in wide eyed alarm, while Mocha cowered down flat on the bed.
“Sorry guys.” She got herself upright again and leaned against the headboard, a violent headache making red flashes against the inside of her eyelids. “Shit.”
She still felt short of breath, from a nightmare of being trapped under the half collapsed wall with everything pressing against her and air growing short, and no way out because she was alone and Dar wasn't with her.
Just herself, and the smell of burning, and far off screams, and being aware that she couldn't move and no one knew she was there.
No one to hear her screaming, just darkness, and pressure and a terrible, terrible fear. Of dying. Of being alone.
Her hands were shaking. She tucked them under her arms and rocked forward, putting her head against Chinos. “Sorry I yelled, honey.” She watched Mocha squirm closer. “I didn't mean to scare you. I was just scared myself.”
Chino whined, and licked her cheek.
“Thanks Chi.” Kerry closed her eyes and breathed in the scent of fur and the clean linen around her. “Oh boy. Glad that doesn't happen often.” She straightened back up and wiped the back of her hand across her eyes, blinking a little into lamplight.
Mocha made a little burbling puppy noise, snuffling at her fingers.
“Yeah.” Kerry sniffled a little. “You guys want some cookies? Let's go down and have some cookies and milk, how about that?” She waited for the animals to move and then pulled the covers back, getting out of bed and heading for the steps. “I need some hot milk anyway, and some aspirin.”
She glanced at the wall clock as she reached the bottom of the stairs, it's luminescent face displaying 3:00 at her. “Great.” She muttered, crossing the living room and entering the big cobalt blue and white kitchen, flipping the light on as she cleared the arched entryway.
The tiles were cold against her bare feet, but she ignored that as she went to the cookie jar and opened it, removing a few of the biscuits and offering them to her attentive furballs. She watched them crunch for a minute, then she went to the refrigerator and opened it.
Hot milk. She closed the door and went and got a cup, then went back and filled it from Dar's beloved milk dispenser. She drizzled some honey in it, then put it in the microwave and started it heating.
That gave her time to do something about her headache. She shook out a couple of pills from the bottle in the cupboard and swallowed them down with a mouthful of water. “Shit.” She turned and leaned against the counter, folding her arms over her chest.
Aside from the headache, and the still perceptible chill in her body, she was now very wide awake. The thought of going back to bed was exceptionally unappealing to her and when the milk was done warming, she took it into the living room and turned on the TV instead.
She sat down on the couch, wincing a little as the cold leather surface hit her skin, then relaxing as it warmed up. She picked up the remote and surfed through the channels, bypassing a veritable cornucopia of infomercials and settling on a cartoon instead, turning the sound down a little as the colorful figures danced across the plasma display.
Chino jumped up onto the couch and curled up next to her and Kerry reached over and scratched her behind her ears. “Chi, that really sucked.” She said. “I hate nightmares. Why do I always have them when Dar's gone?” She asked the dog, who lifted her ears in response.
Which wasn't really true. She didn't always have them, and she had one or two with Dar right next to her. Kerry felt herself calming down, and she flexed her hands, the tension easing out of her. The thing was, when she had a bad dream and Dar was there, well, Dar was there and she'd wake up and hug her, and that chased all the shadows out fast.