It was about six o'clock when we pulled in to Stella's drive-way. As we got out, Jane spoke up boldly.
“Aunt Stella-would you mind if I had a word with mummy in your house?” She put on a little-girl tone. “It's a little secret between us that we don't want daddy to know about.”
Stella threw me a questioning look and I nodded, welcoming the idea-I didn't want Phil hanging about while this talk was on, knowing his opinion of Stella!
“Of course not. Come on in and I'll fix something to drink in the kitchen while and mummy discuss your little secret.”
She left us alone in the living-room and I turned to face my daughter. My intention was to let her have her say, whatever it might be, then come down on her like a ton of bricks, as Stella had suggested. It worked — up to a point!
“Well, Jane?” I kept my voice brisk. “Say whatever you have in your mind, but make it brief-we can't keep Stella waiting out in the kitchen.”
“Oh, this won't take long, mummy.” She took her time strolling over to the couch, sitting down and crossing her legs deliberately in front of me, giving me a generous view of her thighs, like a ham actress playing a vamp. “I liked what I saw Stella and you doing and I want a share,” she stated baldly.
“Have you finished?” I demanded, ignoring, for the moment, the enormity of the request.
“And if you're thinking of smacking my bottom again and threatening me with dad and the school, I shouldn't do that, mummy.”
“That is exactly what I am going to do!”
“That's funny was going to say the same thing.”
“How do you mean?”
“Telling daddy about the fun you and Auntie Stella have together. There would be no point in yelling it round the school,” she went on musingly, then smiled brightly. “Might be fun to smack your bottom, though!”
“Jane! You little…” I took a step towards her, face flaming, intending to haul her across my lap and relieve my feelings on her backside.
“Now don't do anything silly, mummy,” she cried hastily, getting up and darting round to face me from behind the couch. “If dad got to know about it, he might want to smack your bottom!”
“Get to know about what?” I asked desperately. “I told you that was just a little horse-play Stella and I had on the beach.”
“The sort of horse-play some of the older girls indulge in in the dorm, at school after lights out! Playing with each others titties and pee-holes…”
“Jane-I won't tolerate such language! And Stella and I didn't do anything like that. Now I'm going to…”
“Hear what I have to say,” she finished for me cheekily. I know you didn't go for each other's pee-hole on the beach-you only kissed and rubbed titties. But what about at night when you both went to bed? You didn't stop at kissing!”
The world was going round; I found it hard to believe I was talking to my own daughter. I must be having a nightmare and would wake up soon.
“We went to bed to sleep, what else?” I tried to infuse as much outraged modesty as I could into my voice.
“Do you really want me to tell you what else?” she said quietly, continuing without waiting for a reply even if I'd had one. “Well, I don't know very much about Friday night at the bungalow-you remembered to draw the curtains. But Saturday night and Sunday night, you must have forgotten all about them.”
Oh, Lord! My hands flew to my face and I turned my back to her. I had never felt so ashamed in all my life as when I stood, knowing my daughter's eyes were burning into my back.almost feeling her triumph. She had seen everything. No wonder she had been so confident.
“It was terribly exciting, mummy; the two of you all naked like that, cuddling and kissing. And then that great big rubber thing. Gosh! It's a wonder it didn't split you right up your middle! Didn't it hurt, mummy?” She was carried away, now, and rushed on, “How you squealed when it went in, mummy! Then having all that milk squirted into your poor little pee-hole afterwards. It looked more like a punishment she was giving you, but you both seemed to be enjoying yourselves.
“It must feel lovely when you're kissing each other between the thighs, though-I think I should like that very much.”
On and on she went, relating all the intimate things Stella and I had done together over the week-end, while I stood with my back to her, taking each word as almost a physical blow. Finally, I could stand it no longer. I swung round on her.
“All right, Jane! All right!” I burst out. “You saw everything we did. It was terribly wrong of me, of us, but it's something we can't help; we try to make it as beautiful as possible, because that is the way we see it. But it is something that you must not do-ever. Between Stella and I it is something beautiful, but to the rest of society it is wrong.”
“But I'm not the rest of society-I'm just Jane; and I think it's something beautiful.”
I had to get a grip on things and make a show of authority.
“Never mind what you think it is-you're not going to indulge in it. I shall write to your head mistress and tell her to keep a close watch on your activities-especially in the dormitory. Now that's the end of the conversation-don't you ever let me hear you talk like that again.”
“Oh, no, mummy-that isn't the end of it. You should know your own daughter well enough to know that if she sets her heart on something she gets it. I've set my heart on this! I love you not only as a mummy, but also the way Stella loves you. I'll be sixteen in a few months and I think I've learnt about most things. I know that's what I want. I want it so much that if I don't get it, I shall go and tell dad the whole story-tonight!”
“He wouldn't even listen to you!”
“Not after what he's said about Stella? I've heard him talking to you about her; what did he call her — a lesbian?” So she knew about that, too! “I even heard him pulling your leg about her being after you. He'd listen all right!”
“You-you wouldn't tell on your own mother, Jane, would you? You realise it would make everyone very unhappy-daddy included; it could.break your home up.”
“I don't care! I want you and if I can't have you, I'd rather everything was broken up. I could stay at school all the time, then and I wouldn't have to be looking you and wanting you and knowing you and Stella were doing things I wanted to do. I knew about this before we went to Bridlington, by the way; I looked into the kitchen one morning when Stella came over and saw her feeling at you under your skirt. I guessed what you did together when you were over here with her.”
“What you're asking of me is out of the question. I won't do it.”
“Very well,” she replied without any hesitation, “I shall go across to the house now and tell dad everything.” She looked straight at me, then, and I saw her eyes were filled with tears. “I shall always love you, darling mummy; I hated doing this and I prayed you might have seen it my way. I'll go and see dad, now.”
“How about having a nice cup of coffee first?” Stella stood just inside the doorway, holding a tray with three steaming cups. “Whatever it is you want to see your dad about will keep for a couple of minutes, won't it?”
She came into the room and put the tray on a coffee table near the couch.
“I-oh, all right.” Jane came back to the couch and accepted the cup Stella handed her.
“Did you-er-hear any of the conversation Stella?” I asked quietly.