You Hear Ambulance Sounds and Think They Are for You

You have coal mascara of no-sleep.

You should spend more time with me, you should.

You like it when I say "wink wink" after saying something serious.

You like that every creator also creates by letting its creations die.

You are embarrassed by how hard you orgasm thinking about my broken legs.

You will be asleep soon and that's ok.

You are an ugly person and I care about you.

You know that caring is hurting.

You need everyone to repay you now in order to be neutral.

You feel terrible when it's late and you realize “nothing to do” is a permanent state.

You have less than a month to live.

You train to die without making a face.

You die without making a face.

You deliberately think about terrible things that make you want to die.

You will be found dead.

You look too nice not to hang from a tree branch, twenty skinned arms for a noose.

You end up alone in your room talking to everyone you’ve ever known all at once and it sounds like ambulance sounds and you like it.

ELEVENTH

You are an expert at experiencing pain and maintaining the same look, the one that fools people who want to be fooled.

You are an expert at acting ok so you don’t embarrass other people and you don't get embarrassed ever now, isn’t that weird.

You make excuses for everyone and you are liked.

You make up years of your own life and you like it.

You keep backing up and the world is many folds high now.

You have a feeling that you are the result of dirt slowly aggregating out of air, hmmm.

You only have friends if you think hard enough.

You use everybody and feel bad about it, but even that is selfish, hmmm.

You use names to refer to people in order to make them seem more significant.

You only know one way to read.

You only know one way to have fun.

You should have more fun, yeah.

You should be more peaceful, yeah.

You should fall down and start to smell bad and not tell anyone where to look.

You should lose weight and put it on your head until you sink far enough to feel comfort — right, you got it.

You can have all my shit, I don’t want it.

You shoot a gun at your face and see no bullets just a slow-growing red beam that bends when it touches your face.

You perfected a form of silence that is your own ambulance sound and you fall asleep to it.

TWELFTH

You relax by not letting anyone know how you feel.

You resent people who know how you really feel.

You solve your own problems first.

You have hurt feelings and they are sticky shreds of what was a mouth that tried to hold in a bomb.

You allow yourself to really care about things knowing they will be gone, and you justify it somehow even though you know you only justify things you are too weak to just do.

You are fucking lame.

You are the kind of person who recites amazing facts so you seem amazing.

You are not human and this is coming from someone with self-esteem nil.

You look the way you are trying to look.

You look like you are trying to find your way out.

You're older now than you've ever been and it is not something you look forward to continuing over and over endlessly.

You hear ambulance sounds and think they are for you and you like it.