Deena was mystified. “Well, for Pete’s sake, that’s what card tricks are all about.”
“Like I said, what good is it? You can’treally know what card I picked without doing any of that stuff. Can you?”
Deena slumped. She bent over and bumped her forehead against the tabletop. “I don’tbelieve I’m havin’ this conversation.”
“I don’t see your problem. Hey, do you know an eight-letter word for a stupid person?”
“Yeah. “Snowclaw.””
“Hey. Lighten up.”
“Confound it!”
Lord Peter had just lost his last knight.
“You must have some arcane strategy in mind,” Dalton said. “I can’t figure why you gave that up.”
“Damn your eyes, I didn’t bloody well give it up intentionally, and you bloody well know it!”
“Sorry. Temper, temper.”
“Oh, bugger off.”
After a strained silence, Lord Peter added, “Sorry, old chap. Lost it, there. Please forgive.”
“Think nothing of it, my lord.”
“I think I shall concede,” Lord Peter said, assessing the board. “Yes, yes. All’s lost. You’ve got me boxed in good and tight. The game’s yours.”
“Sorry, old bean.”
“Tut, tut. Good game, damn good.” Lord Peter let out a breath and sat back. Then he yawned. “Pardon me. Past my bedtime. Been having a devil of a time sleeping lately.”
“Oh? Any reason you can think of?”
“Been having strange dreams.”
“What sort?”
“Don’t know. Can’t remember them. Never remember dreams.”
“How do you know they’re strange?”
“They wake me up.”
“Try a glass of warm milk.”
“Hate milk.”
“Well, go see Mirabilis.”
“Won’t take pills.”
“Well, you’re out of luck, my friend.”
“It’s nothing, really. Hardly life-threatening.”
“Well, you need your rest. You should try a pill, at least.”
“No, I shall down three drams of Scotch whisky before bed tonight. I should think that will fix it right up.”
“There you go. The old remedies are best.”
“Now, that’s the first sensible thing you’ve said all week.”
Melanie had finished tuning, and was now idly strumming a chord.
“Play something,” Linda suggested.
“Oh, not really in the mood. You ever going to tell me about your love life?”
“I don’t have one. Except in my dreams.”
“Dreams, yeah.”
Gene Ferraro came striding in.
“Evening, folks.”
“Hi, Gene!” Melanie said brightly. “What’ve you been doing lately?”
“Not a whole hell of a lot.”
Gene took a seat at the card table and commandeered the deck, which Deena had given up on.
Linda asked, “Find any interesting aspects lately?”
“Nope.”
“Have any good adventures?”
Gene searched his memory. “Nnnnnope.”
Melanie sighed. “This is the point where someone usually says, “Are we having fun yet?””
“I’m having a good time,” Snowclaw said simply. “I need a word or a phrase that means “perilous aspect.” Ten letters.”
“Can’t help,” Linda said. “I’m terrible at crossword puzzles.”
Shuffling the deck, Gene looked around at his fellow Guests.
“Well, folks. Anyone for bridge?”
Twenty-nine
King’s Chambers
Incarnadine, Lord of the Western Pale and King of the Realms Perilous, woke up with a start.
“Huh?”
He sprang to a sitting position and looked wildly around the room. It took a moment to focus.
Yes. His bedchamber, in the castle. He was home. Everything was all right. He was safe.
“Gods. What a monster of a dream.”
He threw off the covers and arose from the royal bed. Naked, he stalked across the room and went into the privy, closing the door.
Water pipes gurgled.
At length he emerged in a red woolen dressing gown. He went to a dressing table and poured himself a drink from an earthen pitcher. He sipped. Scowling, he poured the rest of the tepid water back into the pitcher.
He moved to the liquor cabinet and examined the offerings. Finally selecting a bottle of rye, he served himself a stiff drink and spritzed a tiny bit of soda into it.
He tossed the whole thing off in one go. Grimacing, he put the glass down.
He considered going back to bed, but reconsidered.
He turned on a lamp. The red leather chair next to the bookshelf looked comfortable. He eased into it, picked up the current book he was reading, a murder mystery, and lifted his slippered feet onto the footstool.
Settling back, he took a deep breath. He opened the book to the spot the bookmark marked and began reading.
After a moment he lowered the book and frowned pensively. He tried to remember the dream, but couldn’t.
He shook his head.
“I have got to stop eating those damned submarine sandwiches so late at night.”
Thirty
Final Exam
This test will count as 60 % of your final grade. Read each question carefully. Extra points will be awarded for cogent reasoning, elegant prose style, political correctness, and neatness. When you are finished, close your test booklet and sit quietly until everyone is done. Do not gloat at sluggards. Do not pare your nails. You may begin.
Write a 500-word essay on any three of the following:
Question No. 1
Does that author cheat who ends a story with “ … and it was all a dream”? Discuss what “cheat” could mean in this context. Is an author’s desperate need for cash any excuse?
Question No. 2
Trace the roots of the literature of the fantastic to its ancient origins. Is it true that an appreciable percentage of the aficionados of this sort of literature, down through the ages, have had a weight problem and tended to favor the wearing of bib overalls?
Question No. 3
Give a brief summary of the history of Tierra del Fuego, outlining its political, economic, cultural, and social development, and tell why this tiny, brave nation[30] is important to the growth of genre fantasy in the latter third of the 20th century.
Question No. 4
Of what significance, if any, is the nonsense phrase “Tekeli-li,” and what could the author possibly have had in mind? Explain “mind” in this context.
Question No. 5
Why must I be a teenager in love?
Question No. 6
Briefly outline the historical development of castles in western Europe. What, if anything, do they have to do with cannoli? By the way, is “cannoli” singular or plural? Are the vanilla kind better than the chocolate?
Question No. 7
Tell why you like reading stories about dragons and castles and fairies and that sort of thing. Have you ever read, say,A la recherché du temps perdu by Marcel Proust? Compare and contrast this book with any genre fantasy novel and explain why a writer would spend 30 pages describing how he rolls over in bed (no kidding). Why do the French think so highly of Jerry Lewis?
Biography
John DeChancie
John DeChancie is a popular author of numerous science fiction/fantasy novels including the hugely entertaining CASTLE series and STARRIGGER trilogy. He lives in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.
30
Tierra del Fuego is not a nation. It is a group of islands owned partly by Argentina and Chile. The struggle for Tierra del Fuegan independence, however, goes on.