He was still in bed, wrapped in the blanket as before; the candle had not been lighted; the windowpanes were pale with the full light of day.
“Nightmares all night long!” He raised himself angrily, feeling all broken; his bones ached. There was a completely dense fog outside, and nothing could be distinguished. It was nearly five o'clock; he had overslept! He got up and put on his still damp jacket and overcoat. Having felt for the revolver in his pocket, he took it out and adjusted the cap; then he sat down, took a notebook from his pocket, and wrote a few lines in large script on the front and most conspicuous page. After reading them over, he lapsed into thought, resting his elbow on the table. The revolver and the notebook lay just by his elbow. Flies woke up and swarmed all over the untouched portion of veal that lay there on the table. He watched them for a long time and finally with his free right hand began trying to catch one. He exhausted himself with the long effort, but still could not catch it. Finally, catching himself in this interesting occupation, he came to his senses, gave a start, got up, and resolutely walked out of the room. A moment later he was in the street.
Thick, milky fog lay over the city. Svidrigailov walked along the slippery, dirty, wooden pavement in the direction of the Little Neva. In imagination he could see the water of the Little Neva as it had risen high overnight, Petrovsky Island, wet paths, wet grass, wet trees and bushes, and finally that very bush...Annoyed, he began staring at the houses in order to think about something else. There was not a passer-by, not a coachman to be met on the prospect. The bright yellow wooden houses with their closed shutters looked cheerless and dirty. The cold and damp chilled his whole body through, and he began to shiver. From time to time he came across shop or greengrocer's signs, and he read each one carefully. Then the wooden pavement came to an end. He was in front of a big stone building. A dirty, shivering little mutt, tail between its legs, ran across his path. Someone was lying, dead drunk, in an overcoat, face down on the sidewalk. He glanced at him and went on. To the left a tall watchtower caught his eye. “Hah!” he thought, “here's the place; why go to Petrovsky? At least in front of an official witness . . .” He almost grinned at this new thought, and turned down ------sky Street. It was there that the big building with the watchtower stood. By the big locked gates of the building, leaning with his shoulder against them, stood a little man wrapped in a gray soldier's greatcoat and wearing a brass Achilles helmet. [155] With drowsy eyes, coldly, he glanced sidelong at the approaching Svidrigailov. His face bore that expression of eternal, grumbling sorrow that is so sourly imprinted upon all faces of the Jewish tribe without exception. The two of them, Svidrigailov and Achilles, studied each other silently for a while. Achilles finally thought it out of order for a man who was not drunk to be standing there in front of him, three steps away, staring at him point-blank and saying nothing.
“Zo vat do you vant here?” he said, still without moving or changing his position.
“Nothing, brother. Good morning!” Svidrigailov replied.
“It's de wrong place.”
“I'm off to foreign lands, brother.”
“To foreign lands?”
“To America.”
“America?”
Svidrigailov took out the revolver and cocked it. Achilles raised his eyebrows.
“Zo vat's dis, a choke? It's de wrong place!”
“But why is it the wrong place?”
“Because it's de wrong place!”
“Well, never mind, brother. It's a good place. If they start asking you, just tell them he went to America.”
He put the revolver to his right temple.
“Oi, dat's not allowed, it's de wrong place!” Achilles roused himself, his pupils widening more and more.
Svidrigailov pulled the trigger.
VII
That same day, but in the evening, past six o'clock, Raskolnikov was approaching the apartment of his mother and sister—the apartment in Bakaleev's house where Razumikhin had placed them. The entrance to the stairway was from the street. Raskolnikov was still slowing his steps and as if hesitating whether to go in or not. But he would not have turned back for anything in the world; his decision had been taken. “Besides, it doesn't matter, they still don't know anything,” he was thinking, “and they're already used to considering me an odd man...” His clothes were terrible: everything was dirty, torn, tattered, after a whole night out in the rain. His face was almost disfigured by weariness, bad weather, physical exhaustion, and the nearly twenty-four-hour struggle with himself. He had spent the whole night alone, God knows where. But at least he had made up his mind.
He knocked at the door; his mother opened. Dunechka was not there. Even the serving-girl happened not to be there. Pulcheria Alexandrovna was speechless at first from joyful amazement; then she seized him by the hand and pulled him into the room.
“So here you are!” she began, faltering with joy. “Don't be angry with me, Rodya, for greeting you so foolishly, with tears: I'm laughing, not crying. You think I'm crying? No, I'm rejoicing, but I have this foolish habit: tears pour out of me. I've had it ever since your father's death; I cry at everything. Sit down, darling, you must be tired, I can see. Ah, how dirty you've gotten.”
“I was out in the rain yesterday, mama . . .” Raskolnikov tried to begin.
“Don't, oh, don't!” Pulcheria Alexandrovna burst out, interrupting him. “You thought I'd just up and start questioning you, from my former woman's habit, but don't worry. I do understand, I understand everything now, I now know how things are done here, and really, I can see for myself that it's more intelligent here. I've judged once and for alclass="underline" is it for me to understand your considerations and demand reports from you? God knows what affairs and plans you may have in your head, or what ideas may be born there; so why should I nudge your arm and ask what you're thinking about? And now I'm...Ah, Lord! But why am I rushing up and down like a lunatic?... Now I'm reading your article in the magazine, Rodya; Dmitri Prokofych brought it. I just gasped when I saw it: fool that I am, I thought to myself, this is what he's busy with, this is the solution to it all! Perhaps he has new ideas in his head right now; he's thinking them over, and I'm tormenting and confusing him. Well, I'm reading it, my dear, and of course there are many things I don't understand; however, that's as it must be: how could I?”
“Show it to me, mother!”
Raskolnikov took the little journal and glanced briefly at his article. Contradictory as it was to his situation and condition, he still felt that strange and mordantly sweet sensation an author experiences on seeing himself in print for the first time; besides, his twenty-three years showed themselves. This lasted only a moment. Having read a few lines, he frowned and a terrible anguish wrung his heart. The whole of his soul's struggle over the past months came back to him all at once. In disgust and vexation, he flung the article down on the table.
“But, foolish as I am, Rodya, I'm able to judge all the same that you will soon be one of the foremost men, if not the very foremost, in our learned world. And they dared to think you were mad. Ha, ha, ha! You don't know, but they did think that! Ah, base worms, how can they understand what intelligence is! And Dunechka nearly believed it, too—fancy that! Your late father twice sent things to magazines— poems first (I still have the notebook, I'll show it to you someday), and then a whole long story (I begged to be the one to copy it out), and how we both prayed it would be accepted—but it wasn't! It grieved me so, six or seven days ago, Rodya, to look at your clothes, the way you live, what you eat, how you dress. But now I see that I was being foolish again, because if you wanted, you could get everything for yourself at once, with your mind and talent. It means that for the time being you don't want to, and are occupied with far more important matters...”
155
The brass helmets worn by Russian (and not only Russian) firemen in the nineteenth century were descendants of the crested helmets supposed to have been worn by such Greek heroes as Achilles.