If I were to emend these texts to "final-intention" Quenya, as well as it can be approximated now and to whatever extent it even makes sense to speak of Tolkien’s "final intentions", I would alter úcarer to *úcarir (based on the late example karir in WJ:391, certainly postdating these translations); this again touches on the question of whether or not the change of final short *-i to -e spread to other positions by analogy. For the same reason I would perhaps also read *apsenit instead of apsenet. I would also change the strange plural nísi women to nissi, the form found elsewhere (including sources younger than this Hail Mary translation).
Whether we should furthermore read *Atáremma rather than Átaremma, or even Heru rather than Héru, is difficult to say; such forms would at least be easier to reconcile with what has been published elsewhere[37]. But even so, Tolkien’s translation of the Lord’s Prayer and Hail Mary will stand as a remarkable sample of Quenya as Tolkien had come to see the High-Elven language about the time LotR was being published.
37
Apparently Tolkien also turned -mm- as a pronominal element for exclusive "we, our" into -lm-, a change that is reflected in the Second Edition of LotR: Incorporating this revision we would have to read *Átarelma, *massalma, *úcarelmar, *elmen, *firuvalme rather than Átaremma, massamma etc.