He managed to turn away and waited for the screams to start.
But perversely, when the first one rent the air, Jacob couldn’t help but look. His head spun of its own volition and he glimpsed the girl on the ground, ringed by the boys, hooting and hollering at her as she attempted to hold on to the flap of skin they’d sliced free of her cheek. He couldn’t help himself then. He fell to his knees and vomited…
* * * * *
That poor fucking boy. That was all I could think as I came upon the scene. That poor fucking boy. He didn’t want it. I knew it. But what else could he fucking do? The knives were out. The boys were in the swing. I don’t blame him for what he did. What choice did he have? It wasn’t like he could very well say no was it?
I saw the look he wore the whole time. I knew what he thought and I was just glad I was able to restrain myself long enough to let him leave. Even if later I came to question the decision, at least he didn’t have to see me at my worst…
* * * * *
Jacob couldn’t help it. As he slid in, he was crying, bawling like a baby. It wasn’t anything like he’d dreamt it would be. Sure it was a moment he’d never thought would arrive; a moment he had fantasised about for so long but there wasn’t any excitement for him. There wasn’t any pleasure. Not with the ring of boys surrounding him, wanking away as they taunted the girl.
His brother kept yelling at him, ‘Shoot it in there. Shoot it right up in there.’ But Jacob knew that was impossible. He couldn’t even keep his hard-on going despite how tight the hole was. It was just the thought of all that combined jizz he was sliding into – both his brother and Matthew had already shot their loads – and the way her eyes were bunched up beneath him. Her lips opened wide in a long soundless scream. And the blood that already coated her.
The cheek flap jiggled with every thrust and whenever he looked up the boys were there leering at him and the lens of the camera was unflinchingly focused on him and he felt so sick and disgusted but he just couldn’t think of anything else he could do but keep thrusting.
‘The fucking pussy’s crying. I thought you said he was up for this?’ one of the boys called and Jacob felt his heart go cold. It only made it worse and he slid out as his dick went limp.
He tried to stick it back in but it was impossible and when he felt the hand on his shoulder he started to blubber.
‘No, no, no, no, no.’
It dragged him back and although he was glad to be off her; glad he didn’t have to look at those blood-drenched features anymore, he was terrified. The hand released him a few metres away and he just crumpled to his knees.
He thought he’d pass out as his brother hunkered down beside him.
‘What the fuck’s wrong with you?’ Michael hissed in his ear as a shriek ripped through the air from the congregated group. Jacob didn’t want to know what they were doing. He just felt dizzy and sick and there was a strange roar in his ears.
‘I said, what the fuck’s the matter with you? You can’t fucking do this. You’re fucking embarrassing me man.’ Jacob just blubbered in reply as another shriek ripped through the air and one of the boys crowed, ‘That’s the way, fucking slice her up.’
‘Fuck it.’ Jacob could see his brother peering between him and the action and any last ideas he had of Michael being human just disappeared as he saw the blood lust etched on his face; saw that he didn’t want to miss a single second.
It just made the tears worse. Especially the way his brother looked at him with such sickened disgust.
‘Don’t fucking move,’ Michael hissed and turned back to join his comrades.
Jacob leant forward and vomited again.
It was only a thin trickle of bile this time but the pain of bringing it up wracked his entire body. And it just stunk so fucking bad. Far stronger than vomit should have.The smell of it filling his nostrils, scorching them, making his eyes water, causing him to gag again. It kept growing and growing, building impossibly until he thought his head would explode. It seemed impossible that it could reek that bad.
Then he felt rather than saw the presence behind him and realised it wasn’t his vomit he’d smelled at all.
The voice boomed in his head, RUN, and then it was past him and moving towards the circle. The boys slowly raised their head from their antics and their catcalls died down as the smell hit them one by one. Jacob scrabbled backwards, skidding on the loose rocks amongst the dirt as the voice boomed again.
RUN.
He still hadn’t put his dick away but he barely noticed it begin to jet urine. He couldn’t take his eyes off the figure as it closed in on the boys.
RUN, it boomed one last time and Jacob obeyed, turning and pelting headlong through the shrub, branches whipping his face and arms. Scrabbling for purchase, tripping, falling, getting up and running. Not even paying attention to where he was going just trying to block out the noises he heard from behind him.
A small part of his brain wondered who exactly was screaming.
Whether it was his brother.
But he didn’t stop running.
* * * * *
I am not at all proud of what I did to those boys. At least I have the comfort of knowing that it had to be done. But in the end, I can’t help questioning whether maybe there wasn’t some other way. I just keep telling myself I gave them ample opportunities.
And that poor girl. When I looked at what they’d done to her I had to put her out of her misery. It was the only decent thing to do. She probably could have lived but I knew she wouldn’t want to. Not with her face cut up like that. Wounds like those would never heal right. For all intents and purposes she was already dead. Another victim to add to their list.
But what’s done is done and there aren’t any do-overs. No matter how often I wish there were.
I often wonder if maybe that should have been the end of the whole sorry affair; right there and then. Ending back where it began in those Claypits… but I just kept finding myself coming back to the boy I let go. Wondering if maybe that had been a mistake. I mean I didn’t regret letting him go but I just had to be certain. I had to make sure a seed hadn’t been planted in the boy’s mind. Despite what some people believe, I don’t necessarily see everything and I just wanted to make sure that nothing was taking root. I just couldn’t let it go until I was certain…
* * * * *
For a long time Jacob didn’t leave his room at all. Not to eat, not to drink, not even to relieve himself. He just sat in the corner of his room sobbing, pissing and shitting in his pants as the urge came. He had no idea if his father was home. He had no idea if Michael’s absence had even been noticed. He had no idea about anything.
Not even how long had passed before there was a knock on the door and his father entered; beer in hand. He didn’t particularly care though.
‘Why aren’t you at school?’ His father’s question at least told him it was a weekday. Jacob could feel the anger seething off the man but it didn’t bother him. He just shrugged and his father glared at him for a moment as he took another slurp of his beer. ‘Have you seen your brother, the cops have been looking for him again.’
Jacob shook his head.
‘You sure now?’
This time he nodded and they lapsed into silence for awhile.
‘Well get to fucking school then, I’ve got work to go to.’
Obediently Jacob rose and his father’s face wrinkled in disgust.
‘And take a fucking shower why don’t you, you smell like you shit yourself.’
Jacob didn’t comment on the hypocrite’s own thick stench that engulfed him as he followed his father out into the hallway. He’d already pushed it as far as he dared.