Intrinsic in the consideration of darkness is one’s spiritual beliefs and understanding of good and evil. Though we don’t often state it, an altered state is often akin to a Gnostic revelation. Gnosis is, after all, a theological belief that deity is present in and operates in the human selfhood. The Dark Lord made it clear in his list of stipulations that he wanted to be worshipped, to literally become the slave’s god.
Obedience, then, was seen as obedience to god. The Dark Lord’s authority, for the slave, would become pervasive, even complete. The gulf between the exalted Lord and the degraded slave would become—what? Infinite? Where does this god trip lead? What does the extreme nature of this polarity create in terms of the power exchange?
These questions might seem preposterous, but they are not out of order to those who are seriously involved in master/slave relationships. On occasion, a slave has admitted to worshipping his or her master or a master has admitted to having a godlike relationship with his or her slave.
It is easy to dismiss such practices by saying, “Oh, they don’t really mean God with a capital G.” But it is clear that for some, “the Lord” is not Jehovah, Jesus, or Allah, or any of the other gods of traditional worship.
When we look at the polarity of light and dark in terms of the known and the unknown, we find ourselves in the realm of what is conscious and what is unconscious. It is not an unfamiliar analogy; we are all cognizant of the phrase “the heart of darkness,” popularized by a novel of that title by Joseph Conrad. What evil, after all, lurks in the heart of man?
It is obvious that even as players flout some taboos, other taboos remain that are too kinky for most of us and that, therefore, we will not violate.
My reading of Jungian psychology has given me some ideas about what it is that we do in the BDSM community. As I see it, the intent of BDSM is to transport both the bottom and the top to an altered state of consciousness, though it certainly can mean other things to other players. There are many terms for the mind trip: an out-of-body experience, “going deep,” for the bottom, subspace, for the top, top space. Whatever name you give it, it is an often-sought but rarely achieved trip of extraordinary bliss, joy, and peace. In scholarly literature it has been referred to as an altered state of consciousness (ASC).
Though most players are satisfied with (dare I say it?) “conventional” fetishes such as flogging, whipping, and fisting as a way to enter an altered state, the Dark Lord’s applicants expressed a desire to progress to more intensive activities, such as blood play, extreme pain, degradation, and scat.
It is obvious that even as players flout some taboos, other taboos remain that are too kinky for most of us and that, therefore, we will not violate. The Dark Lord’s exploration raises the question “Where do we draw the line?”
Yet are there really any lines to cross in the mind? What darkness lurks in the depth of one’s unconscious self? How do we integrate that darkness in our lives to become whole persons? Or do we do so at all?
The most difficult part of my exploration of the Dark Lord was the question of limits. In light of the extreme nature of some of these desires, what were my own limits? How far was I willing to go? Would I, for instance, allow a partner to worship Satan, eat my shit, or languish in darkness while chained to a cold stone wall in my dungeon?
I believe that one of the most important benefits of BDSM is that it creates a space and a community where we can safely explore the deep longings of our soul, where we can be the sissy maid or slave or pirate or top or lady we long to be.
How do you answer these questions when faced with an email such as this: “SIR, it knows it was predisposed for a life of slavery under your control. It knows it is ready to surrender its worthless pathetic self in submission and obedience to your will, helping it to obtain deeper actualization of its true slave nature as it satisfies your every command. Its innermost need is to submit 100% of its mind, body, soul, and spirit/ego. It is ready!”
I believe that one of the most important benefits of BDSM is that it creates a space and a community where we can safely explore the deep longings of our soul, where we can be the sissy maid or slave or pirate or top or lady we long to be. Is it so unlikely that the same subculture could allow us to be the shit-slave toilet, the degraded object, or the worthless subhuman?
As we say, “It’s only kinky when you don’t do it.” How can we label something as “too extreme” when what we do every day is labeled just that way by mainstream society?
In the end I did come up with limits: I wouldn’t do anything that was illegal. I would not spread disease or inflict physical harm that would necessitate a doctor’s care. I would not allow an applicant to become financially dependent upon me.
Those limits were generally acceptable to most applicants, though several of them refused to continue the conversation when they figured out that the Dark Lord would require them to pay room and board and to have health insurance. “I’m the Dark Lord,” I wrote more than once, “not a jail keeper or a sugar daddy.”
Others ended the dialogue when I refused to entertain their need for intoxicants to undergo their fantasy. I am a firm believer in experiencing fetish to the fullest, rather than using drugs or alcohol to mitigate its effects. I have also found that drug-using slaves are useless when it come to service of any kind, and the Dark Lord demands to be served. It is all about the Dark Lord’s desires—they must come first.
Desire: To wish or long for; want. To express a wish for; request. A wish or longing. A request or petition. The object of longing. Sexual appetite; passion.[23]
I have long held the belief that not every fantasy is meant to become a reality. We must decide which fantasies can be lived and which cannot. The track records of those 120 applicants made my decision-making process a lot easier than one would expect.
Of the 120 applicants, some 15 are still showing interest, and about half of those are of more recent acquaintance. As with most cruising, the majority have simply failed to respond to the emails, chats, or phone calls I initiated in an effort to continue a dialogue. Few ever got to the point of seeing my dungeon. Some, to their credit, ended the conversation politely, giving such reasons as “You’re too old for me,” “I have to beg off due to family problems,” and “I’m not really into the raunch and worship you seek.” These results are the same I’ve found with cruising in general.
But I think there is an unspoken message in this as well. When faced with the possible reality of our deepest desires, their desirability fades quickly. We allow other choices to take precedence over the darkest of our dreams.
There seems to be a contradiction here that probably derives from poorly defined terminology. How, for instance, can an “object” object to the age of its owner? Could a chair or a goldfish do this? I think not. It is only when the full effect and the extent of the objectification dawns on us that we see what appears to be its intrinsic impossibility. Would any of these cybercruisers, after all, be willing to actually live in a dungeon without access to the Internet?
In my 28 years as a practicing leatherman I have learned much about myself and my desires. I’ve come to the conclusion that my primary fetish is control, which is certainly exercised through other fetishes, especially those involving pain and bondage. As my profile made clear, the overriding characteristic I sought from an applicant was obedience. I wanted to be in control.